The Bridge of Fate: 1000 Words

Today began as a (somewhat) normal day for me: alone in my bed, sweat on my forehead from a nightmare I once thought vanquished, my phone's alarm ready to go off in ten minutes, the daylight trickling through my window, my iPod shuffling through my "Sleepytime" playlist.

I wasn't particularly feeling inspired to do anything yet, because I knew I had to type something big to bridge the first and second halves of 2012 together (much like I did last year). So, I decided I'd go through my "slowly waking up" routine: lurking on the Internet and keeping a window on standby in case I came up with something to type. Now, this process takes about two to three hours, depending on what my plans for the day are and when they kick off. For this particular day today, my confirmed schedule involves work at 1500, with nothing else in hand. So I figured, "two hours ought to be enough."

That was 0800. At the time I began to write this entry out, it was 1127.

Now, usually, when I'm going through this slow wake-up, I'll more often than not have no less than fifteen tabs open on Google Chrome. More often than not, a decent portion of 'em will either be pages on Wikipedia or TV Tropes, two of the Internet's biggest time-sink websites in history. (Not that that's a bad thing...)

Somehow I ended up on the real life section of the "Crowning Moment of Heartwarming" page on TV Tropes. As a known cynic with occasional misanthropist thoughts, I was stunned to see that there are still people willing to help others out there in their own way. Naturally, reading a page like this would stun anyone with any degree of misanthropy, and while I know that for all my sarcasm and jackassedness I'm still a good guy (I hope, because your mileage will vary.), there are moments in life that force me to stand back and wonder why I'm still kind at times. Reading stories like these remind me that the world is worth living in and that people still deserve kindness - even if they do deserve a .50 caliber bullet to the face.

However, that's not the story I'm here to talk to you about. I'm here to tell you about one particular entry I read that shook my very core and reminded me about my past, the present, and the promises I intend to uphold in the future.

And to think it all started with a picture.

While going throw the aforementioned "Crowning Moment of Heartwarming" stories, I came across one particular entry. Labeled "This.", I noticed that the link led to DeviantArt, surprising me - in all my time spent shooting the online breeze on TV Tropes, never have I seen a link to DeviantArt. As an artist I was intrigued to find out what kind of work was so uplifting that it warranted mention.

The link led to a short story called "1000 Words" by a DeviantArt user named "yuumei." I noticed that it was a Flash animation (which I think is a handy way to present visual short stories), so while I let it load, I decided to read the author comments. It was inspired by a comment she received on another work of hers - a visual poem called "Tape it Back Together." Rather than post a link to this work, I thought it'd be better if it were showcased here along with the rest of the story:

If this amazing piece didn't get you at the very least misty-eyed, you have no soul. That, or you're fortunate enough to have parents who haven't split.
(This piece of work was created by DeviantArt user "yuumei".)

As I read this, I felt tears swelling in my eyes - notably because I'm one of the unfortunate people who can definitely relate to this. For those of you who don't know, my parents are bitterly divorced. They had been fighting for some time, but the decision and finalization of terms were announced around the time of my eleventh birthday. (I don't remember the exact date, but it was around this time. Add to the fact that I was stuck in the Philippines at the time with relatives I wasn't too comfortable with and only Pokémon: Yellow Version to cheer me up... and you get a very happy eleventh birthday, indeed.) For about a year I was under this delusion that my parents could get back together, only to realize that my childhood had been stripped away and I was forced to grow up faster than I originally wanted to.

Digressing. Back to "1000 Words."

I switched tabs back to the aforementioned visual short story, noticing that it had finished loading. So, I began to read. I read and read, and by the time I had reached the end, I noticed that I was crying. This is a big admittance to myself, because in my standpoint, crying shows weakness. That's not to say that I'll think little of you if you cry at something, nor does it say that you're not a strong person if you do shed some tears. It just means that something was able to trigger the waterworks.

(Author's Note: At this time, I would like to say that these two works just blew me away. To say that these were great would be a gross understatement. This is art. I can only hope that you experience some kind of emotional experience as sobering as mine when you look at these two artistic pieces.)



If I had to rate all the moments I had cried that actually had meaning (my past posts on sites long gone don't count on account of my emo nature at the time), I wouldn't be able to do it. However, if I was forced to, the results would look like this:

1.) The moments I tried to comprehend my parents' divorce when I was 11.
2.) My (almost) suicide attempt. (This is a story for another time.)
3.) This moment in time.
4.) Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater - the death of The Boss.
5.) Hearing the music of the Metal Gear games and World of Warcraft at Video Games Live. (Trust me - I'm definitely a fan of the music.)
6.) Fullmetal Alchemist - the death of LtCol Maes Hughes (particularly his heartwrenching funeral).
7.) Anything else I may have forgotten to mention.

While the waterworks were on, I asked myself constantly why this was affecting me as such. One question in particular seemed to raise more concern than anything else: why was this affecting me as much now - when I've virtually moved on from this horrible fate (barring a few loose ends)? I came up with a few theories.

I thought this was me just dealing with a sudden and overpowering wave of emotion-hitting imagery and words. I had a psychologist tell me once that I was subconsciously repressing the trauma of the divorce - and with this momentary breakdown, the repression was broken and it came down on me in full force.

I thought I was just hit hard with the raw emotion in these two works. The fact that I had been reading heartwarming stuff probably didn't help, either.

I thought I was proving to myself that no matter how invincible I seem to portray myself to be on the Internet, I am still just a fragile and squishy human being - much like everyone else in the world. (And anyone who says otherwise is a horrible liar.)

But most of all, I thought this was me realizing what I wanted in my future. Confused about this last theory? Allow me to explain.

I'd honestly love to get married in the future. Finding a woman, falling in love, soaring through the skies of romance with that very special somepony flying your wing... it's a dream I'd love to see happily fulfilled. Of course, with that marriage comes children to be raised - and I for one think I'd make a good father. (I'll be trolling the kids like crazy, so your mileage may vary on that one.)

Digressing (again). The point is that no marriage or relationship or what have you is perfect - there's going to be arguing and fighting somewhere along the way. Sometimes, though, the fallout from these quarrels tends to be so toxic and irradiated with bile that the damage is irrevocable. And because of this, relationships break and marriages end in divorce.



About three weeks ago, I made a promise to myself. It all started while I was helping a guest at work in Electronics. She was buying a 3DS and some games for it. I asked her who they were for, and she semi-bitterly mentioned that they were for her son. She was buying them for him because her ex-husband wouldn't let the son bring the 3DS he bought for him over to her place whenever she had custody.

She brushed it off as something she didn't need to mention to me (she admitted to me that she talked a little too much at times), but I interrupted her and said that I came from a divorced family myself. She looked surprised when I continued on and said that while it's hard on the now-exes, it's especially harder on the children. The tug-of-war that the custody hearings and bitter opinions cause just generates undue stress on them - and at such a young age, that could be permanently scarring.

We spent the next fifteen minutes or so talking about how horrible the fallout can be when at that moment, I made a promise to myself. I swore that if I were to get married and start a family, I would do everything in my power to make sure my offspring never have to experience the tug-of-war pain that divorce brings. I even told her about that newly-forged promise and she wished me the best of luck in my endeavor. (To the lady who these last few paragraphs focused on: thank you for your support!)



The tears have long since dried up. Thank the gods - I need to present an unwavering face of positive emotions at work (barring a silly situation that demands crocodile tears or crying on command), so I don't need the whole world to look at recently-unearthed, deep-seated pain. However, the emotion still stands, powerful as ever. The fact that I was able to look at a bit of the past that pained me greatly and look back on it as a building block to where I am now... it's impressed me. It's reminded me that I am nothing but human and that I experience the same basic emotions everyone else does.

Also, I'm pretty sure this entire entry is over one thousand words. *sniffle* So, the adage is true. (UPDATE: Not counting the alt-text and this update, this entry came up to 1,916 words. I called it and then some...)

It amazes me how such art exists like this that I've yet to see. I'd like to encounter them one day - if pieces of work as heartfelt as "1000 Words" and "Tape it Back Together" can trigger an emotional learning experience for myself, I'd like to experience it again. I'd like to know what it's like to feel... what it's like to be human.

So, thank you, lady I helped in Target three weeks ago. Thank you, yuumei. This entry's for you two.





Until the 'morrow, everyone. I'll see you when the second half of 2012 starts.