Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Artists: DON'T DO THIS

In my book, there are just some things a sensible and self-respecting artist should not do. Ever. I mean, if they had a choice between committing these things they should not do or getting shoved into a vat of boiling urine, they'd choose the urine option in a heartbeat*.

One is the inability to claim any other work - especially work in their respective field(s) - as art.

Another is to pompously proclaim themselves as the masters of their field(s).
The third is to allow themselves to become their own worst critic (potential fans will end up hanging on the artist's own opinions and take them to heart).

* = Okay... that contradicts the "sane" point, but you get what I mean.



Yesterday, after receiving a link from one of my friends, I decided to add a fourth item to this list of artist taboos: ignore the differences between a review, a compliment, constructive criticism, and flames, and take them out of hand to the point of destroying your artistic career.

Now, before I continue, allow me to define the aforementioned four terms.



A review would be just that - a review. Whoever is critiquing the piece in question - be it a painting, a sculpture, a movie, a book, or what have you - is giving an expository analysis and only that. There are no opinions or second thoughts in play at all. Of course, most (if not all) reviews have personal opinions and commentary riddled all over the place (commonly classified under one of the other three terms mentioned), and that's perfectly acceptable.

Sample sentence: "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, released in 1999, begins the famed space opera saga's prequel trilogy and introduces us to a young Anakin Skywalker in a time before Darth Vader and the Imperial Empire."



If I have to define "compliment" for you, then obviously someone didn't do well in their English classes.

Sample sentence: "I liked the visuals - they were an immerse and colorful myriad of scenery that helped bring the story of The Phantom Menace to life."*

* = We all know I'm not a fan of the Prequel Trilogy. Hell, most self-respecting Star Wars fans aren't, either. Just remember: that was a sample sentence and in no way does it reflect my personal opinion about TPM.


Constructive criticism is a tricky term to define - mostly because it's tricky to begin with. In a nutshell, the critic brings up things they personally questioned about the work they are reviewing. They understand the concept of different viewpoints and do their best not to attack the artist's perspective. As they question what they felt was "wrong," they do it in a manner that is professional, courteous, and fair - all the while expressing their opinions in a manner that doesn't insult the artist. This allows the artist to analyze it from another person's eyes and helps them grow.

Satire can often be seen here - especially if the critic tends to employ dark and/or comedic methods of reviewing.

Sample sentence: "However, the inclusion of 'midichlorians' as a measurement of one's strength with the Force seemed to ruin the wonder and mysticism the omnipresent Force was portrayed to have in the Original Trilogy."


Now, picture yourself ordering veal at a five-star restaurant and finding it not to par with your expectations. (vegetarians/vegans/PETA members: please play along with this example). As the maître'd asks what's wrong with the veal, you lead out a recently-fed deer to your table and then proceed to decapitate it. A second later, you present a plate to the sous chef - with the deer's head on it - and say that your presentation is better.

Flaming takes constructive criticism, guts out anything positive, and presents the botched review to the artist (nay... attacks them with it) in a distasteful manner as described above. Oftentimes, expletives and primal utterances will accompany them. No "though your story was riddled with grammatical errors, your story was excellent in its execution" or "I personally don't agree with your use of screaming during the song's bridge" - just a flat-out "YOU SUCK" (and that's if your lucky).

Sample sentence: "Overall, The Phantom Menace makes watching a dog crapping on a baby less grotesque. Fuck you, George Lucas. You suck for ruining my childhood."



Getting back to the story at hand, I was presented a link to a book-reviewing blog yesterday by my friends.
On that site: they brought up one particular post dating back to about a week ago: the site's review of Jacqueline Howett's The Greek Seaman.

Even if you're not one to read fiction books or a book-reviewing site (hell, if you're American, you're probably not one to read at all for that matter), I urge you to follow that link.
The review is a classic example of constructive criticism - while he notes grammatical issues, he compliments the flow of the story and how it grips the reader to the end.

Now this is what I want you to do: read the comments and tell me if you think Jacqueline Howett can tell the difference between constructive criticism and flaming.

If your answer was related to the words "yes, she can," then obviously you're as vain as she is.

First things first: you don't insult the critic by dismissing their review. That's discourteous.

Second: I don't recall seeing anything directly attacking her. All that was mentioned was grammatical and spelling errors that seem to detract from the story.

Third: posting reviews from other people and heralding them as the only things that are correct in regards to critiquing seems... well, as an anonymous commenter said, "petty."

Fourth: her reversion to acting primal and petty with her comments just plain tarnishes her reputation.
I mean, it's one thing to use words in an eloquent fashion, but to slowly degrade oneself to the point of insulting the critic and signing off with a vulgar "Fuck off!"? WOW. Just... wow.



Quite distasteful and unprofessional, no?

Despite her crass behavior, I do have to thank her, because her breakdown over one constructive critique now serves as an ominous warning to the rest of us artists trying to make our way into the world.

*raises a shot glass of vodka*

So here's to you, Jacqueline. May your artistic career's downfall pave the way for more sensible artists out there.

*downs the shot*


...oh, shit. I have work in less than an hour.
...whoops.*





* = ...yeah, like I'd drink before going to work. Even if I did, I can't - no vodka in the house. =(

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