When you think about it for some time, you'd probably agree with me. Let's take a look at the last seven months that 2013 has witnessed so far in my life. Just how many good quality entries were there on this blog? As I'm too lazy to look back at the last 212 entries or so, I'm going to guess that less than 10% could actually qualify as "decent" or better. (If the last qualifying entry was written nearly two months ago, then I'm sure my guess seems accurate.)
I did attempt to get myself revived at the start of July. Truly. I mean, (I tried. We can see how that resulted.) While it led to self-disappointment at how weak I've allowed myself to become, it led to something I didn't expect to show up.
CURRENT MUSIC:
The National - "The Rains of Castamere"
Game of Thrones: Season 2
Before I continue talking about this particular piece of music, I need to point out that I'm a new fan to the famous A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin. Yeah, that's right - I'm a new fan to the media wildfire that is Game of Thrones. I'm no bandwagoner, and as such I'm not going to go on about how "GoT is best
Anyway, back to talking about the music. In the A Song of Ice and Fire books, "The Rains of Castamere" describes the rebellion and subsequent destruction of House Reyne by Tywin Lannister. In-universe, it serves as a musical message to remind people what happens to anyone who antagonizes and pisses off a Lannister.
The cautionary tale of a song was featured a few times in the television show (with indie rock band The National playing the song as a whole in one of the episode's closing credits). Its fame in our world will usually signify anyone who sings it as a ASoIaF fan... or a potential bannerman of House Lannister.
For some strange reason, I've grown fond of the song. I've learned the lyrics (memorization isn't quite at 100% yet) and have caught myself singing or humming the tune at random since I've seen its usage in Game of Thrones. So why is it featured here on this entry? I don't honestly know. It just seemed to fit with the metaphor I'll be using below...
I can hear some people asking what showed up unexpectedly. I can hear some others asking themselves if clicking on the link to this entry is a good idea in the end. I can also hear one voice in the back asking about that "free pizza" I nonchalantly mentioned on Facebook. The answers to each inquiry are as follows:
- You'll get your answer in about two or three paragraphs.
- Your mileage may vary on if reading this entry was worth it.
- I LIED. *evil laugh*
Seven months have passed thus far in 2013 and I've little to show for it. A lot has gone on as the winds of time blew, and it's left me shivering cold, starving hungry, poor and penniless, and in agonizing pain.
 |
| Looks like this scarred Lannister is paying his debts. |
It means that this month I'll be turning 24. I'll become someone who is officially in their "mid-20s" and be expected to have some kind of mental maturity that is acceptable by today's societal standards. I'll know a great many things I didn't know back in my teenage years, and I'll use said many things to start building a successful financial future for myself. I'll be a man who has everything together and is making his family proud.
Or, so one would think.
This looks like a tangent (indeed it is), but it comes back full-circle to the story I was once telling you earlier in this entry. A lion set ablaze - the lion I wished I was - started to claw at me and ask myself what the frak I was doing with myself and my life. When I said I didn't know the answer, it kept clawing, slashing at the lion I currently was. I cried out in pain and confusion during this brutal assault. The wounds blistered and burned, and all I could do was scream in terror.
That's when a third lion, armored and scarred, leaped into the fray. Amazingly, this black-charred cat seemed to jump from the fiery mane of the lion I wished I was. Before I could make sense of what was going on, the fire lion lied dead on the floor. I looked at the newcomer and feared for the worst as it stared back with glistening ruby-red eyes, when it turned around and walked away.
If you're asking yourself what all this was, don't look at me for the answer. There's a reason I slapped the "cryptic metaphor" tag on here. Let me see if I can boil it down to something you would probably prefer to read. *clears throat*
Am I tired of what I am right now?
Yes.
Have I done everything in my power in an attempt to change anything?
Yes... but maybe it wasn't enough.
Have my hopes of grandeur corrupted my dreams and actions?
I'm not sure... but I'm realistic enough to realize that my life thus far has been sub-par.
Am I willing to grind out the changes?
I better be... because I said I would multiple times in years past.
Does this feel like déjà vu?
Most certainly. Every time I vow change, it never happens. Every time since, I say things will be different (like "Not this time!") only to end up regressing.
Will your resolve regress once again?
I'm not going to make any promises. At the same time I'm also aiming to not disappoint.
So... what really showed up unexpectedly?
Resolve.
Have you died, Josh?
Metaphorically speaking: yes. At the same time, it's hard to say that I was living to begin with.
I'm so confused. Just what is going on here?
Free pizza.
Wait, really?
No. Remember what I said earlier?
Then what was the point of this entry, then - apart from wasting my time?
REBIRTH. Lions - living or (un)dead, pure or corrupted - still possess sharp claws. And this time I intend to strike true.
To anyone who's still lost (read: anyone who didn't care): here's your frakking TL;DR.
You want proof of this? Come back tomorrow. I'll show you.
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