Done

To Everyone I've Held So Dearly in My Heart:



The past two years have been some of the toughest and most heartbreaking I've ever lived. Ever since this struggle began, it felt as though I was enveloped in an unnatural fog, stumbling blindly into the unknown.

While it's true that I haven't been alone through this harrowing ordeal, I should say that I feel otherwise. We all have suffered through this ongoing pain as equals - but I can't help the urge to be selfish and say that I've endured the most pain out of everyone.

You're probably arching your eyebrows and wondering how I could say something so brazenly. I could respond with the usual sardonic misogyny that can be seen in days past, but you've dealt with enough of that (or should I say a lack of that) in here, so I'll just come out and say it:

I am done with this. I AM DONE WITH EVERYTHING.

Surprised, are you? You should be.

Did you honestly think that after two years of getting kicked around like some common, worthless playground ball I would still be just as resilient as I was before? I'm sorry if you thought better of me, but the truth is: I can't take it any longer. I can't take all of this failure that I've put myself through, and I can't face the fact that I've forced every one of you to bear the brunt of my burdens while I've paid you back with so little.

"I'm tired of wandering around the countryside, spreading false hope to my still-loyal subjects.

"I'm tired of 'the vow' I made to liberate us from the tyrannical clutches of the Federation we broke free from long ago.

"I'm tired of steadying my rifle and leveling the sights at an enemy I cannot defeat.

"I'm tired of running from the destiny Fate has laid before me."

Those were the words my brother spoke when he abdicated the throne nearly two years ago. Ever since I heard those statements leave his mouth, I tried my hardest not to believe that he would just give up so easily. I thought we Novellis were more resilient than that - that we would somehow grind the Federation advance into Rexaria into a bloody halt and push back the invasion army of the Cremisan Federation.

But I was wrong. I was so wrong. My parents are dead; my sister's whereabouts have been unknown since the start of the war; my brother now "rules" Serecles in name only. ("Old Serecles" is a puppet state; we all know this.) Two years of war has seen my country torn apart by fear and death... and I have nothing to show for it.

And when I say "nothing," I mean it - I'm currently overseas, taking residence in an Ezlivonian-sponsored apartment along with my supporters and the few lucky countrymen of mine that escaped when the war broke out. The rightful Serecles consists of two rooms with a desk and a flag. Everything else is Ezlivonian - the facilities, most of the soldiers on patrol, the papers and pens, whatever else you can name. I'm a Queen-in-Exile, sheltered by an ally who now faces their own threats of invasion. (Presumably, it's to capture and extradite me for "Cremisan justice")

I want to help. I so desperately do. I enrolled in Ezlivonia's Officer Candidate School, learned how to operate and maintain virtually every small arms system I would encounter, and even graduated the Ezlivonian military's airborne infantry school (which honestly was difficult due to my acrophobia). Despite this, Prime Minister von Eastfield has denied each and every one of my requests to join the Ezlivonian military.

I get it - I'm too much of a high-profile target, and if I were to be captured or killed the last of the Novelli line fades into nothingness. But now Cremisa is threatening to invade Ezlivonia (the message cited reasons including "harboring and refusing to extradite a known threat to the Federation for divine justice"), and its leader is refusing to allow its more-than-grateful debtor to provide any amount of assistance.

I am done with this. I AM DONE WITH EVERYTHING.

Ezlivonia: thank you for sheltering what's left of Serecles in your borders for nearly two years. As representative of my people I cannot state just how much we are indebted to you for all that you have done. You've proven yourself a staunch ally in our time of need. But now I cannot stand idly by as the enemy that decimated my country now plans to destroy yours simply because of my presence.

I am done with being a sheltered princess-in-exile.

I am done with everything you've done to prevent me from getting into harm's way.

And I am done with being a princess who has done nothing to help her country or allies in the field of war.

Fates help me.

- Allisenna Gloucester-Bellitz Novelli

Second Princess of Serecles