Lost Track Again

It's hard to realize certain things when other things keep happening and get in the way. I find it fun and confusing, although it can get hard to keep track of everything that goes on.

In short, I've had a lot of things happen in the last few days. I nearly had to deal with my character dying in a tabletop roleplaying game. I hastily filed my taxes. I've hung out with people - both in work and out of it. I've gotten paid and promptly had it all sucked away by bills.

Essentially, I've been surviving. I'm not yet living, though.

It's crazy how things are going. It's horrible knowing that my two days off are up tonight and that I have to go back in. It's not that I hate my job - I actually enjoy it. It's more along the lines of "I don't want to work" - which is what no one really wants to do. I'm probably just ranting, but that's what today seems to be dedicated to. I enjoyed my days off, and now I'm refreshed and recharged, ready to tackle the rest of the week.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I smell gas. Not a good sign.

An Honest Attempt

I find it highly amusing how easily it is for me to get distracted. It's beneficial at times, and at other times it's detrimental. But that's always okay - it's part of what happens. Yeah, I know - there's supposed to be something here. But that's just how I've been lately - distracted by life, the universe, and everything. *sighs*

Of course, I did say I'd type something. I'm gonna see if I can even focus and type something... anything. Here goes, here goes...

*limbers up*

Waiting is Hell

CURRENT MUSIC:
Nobuo Uematsu - "Timber Owls"
Final Fantasy VIII Original Soundtrack

I feel like this particular piece is one of the most definitive "I'm bored!" musical pieces ever.

Surrealistic Confusion

There was a day where I didn't feel like doing much.

Sidetracked Training and Emblems

Remember yesterday how I said the Internet claims my project time? Well, it did it again. As I loaded up Blogger and got myself in the mindset to type out an entry, I got sidetracked yet again. Through a combination of various activities such as:

• Imgur links found on Facebook
• an hour's worth of ambient music playing while I mindlessly surfed TV Tropes and Wikipedia
• some insight into myself
• and the dawning realization that today is in fact Sunday*

I was able to come up with an entry for y'all to read... despite the fact that it was far from the original idea I had when I first logged on. Sometimes my inability to stay focused on things ends up paving the road better than the best-laid plans I could ever conceive.

* = I could've sworn that yesterday was somehow this Wednesday, which caused great confusion last night when I attempted to refresh some of my favorite webcomics and was left wondering why they weren't updating. Of course, I was all the more sad when I found out it wasn't Wednesday - I want my Oracle of Ages / Seasons on the 3DS eShop already! =O

I feel like this sometimes when I'm attempting to focus on work. Sometimes it works out... sometimes it doesn't.

Anyway, enough bantering. Let's read before I get distracted by somethi- oh, hey, Blackadder is on!

Inanity

Sometimes I like to think that my life is magic.

Yeah, that doesn't make sense, but for some reason I felt like typing something that truly had zero sense to it. Call it a twisted state of mind or some weird psychosis involving boredom or a lack of ideas going in my head, but hey - that's what I felt like typing. I blame my brain. I blame the fact that I've yet to play The Wind Waker. I blame the fact that people have too much time on their hands and show it off by speedrunning games I love. I especially blame the fact that my mind works like jelly at times and that it does its own damn thing because it feels like it wants to. Weird, brain. Really weird.

Transformer (Re)Boot

Okay, so it's officially May now. May - the fifth month of the year and... well, I don't know what else. And speaking of not knowing what else, I don't know why, but I feel compelled to type today's entry out while I listen to an eclectic playlist.

*puts on a personalized "tanking" playlist on WinAmp*

Some Call This Madness

As I began working on things that I haven't done in ages, other thoughts immediately began to pour into my mind. Tasks that needed to be performed, ideas that yearned to be materialized, worries that haunt my soul, thoughts that did nothing but constantly distract me from what I originally wanted to do.

*some time later* Godsdammit; there we go again.

Sputtering Thought

For all things lost, there is a benefit. I don't know exactly what that benefit is right at this moment, but I know that there is one. I'm working somewhere between "keeping alive spiritually" and "staying on life support everywhere" - and I'm sure that the benefit in question is buried somewhere beneath the line.

That's what I want. I don't know what else I'm looking for, but it's there. I'm sure of it. Beneath the line, beneath the times, beneath the waves of despair and fury that threaten to capsize and drown this boat I'm barely keeping afloat on.

And also, I could use some sanity right about now. Using what's left of it seems to be quite taxing, and to be honest: it's a bit unnerving.

"C" Row Hero

Someone tell me that today is today, for today's not a day that will just go away
For crimes of a certain fashion seem to be the world's passion
The call is made to the skies, seeking aid from passersby
But I won't be the hero - I'm just there seated in "C" row.

This theater of hope and wonder, besieged by the sons of plunder
is the world, is our whole; such life becomes our soul.
But I just bide my time and speak to you in rhyme
For I'm no man - I'm a zero, just waiting to become the hero.

Casual Insanity

The difference between the things you and I share are nothing, because you and I share nothing in this world that is fleeting and justly confusing. And here I am confusing you like always, but let me tell you that truth lies here in these mists of delirium.

Starved

I find it utterly amazing how this lack of inspiration is totally getting me.

Honestly, I don't get it. For the past few months I've been starved on ideas and the desire to sit down for a length of time to type something up. October was a prime and egregious month that showcased this dry spell, and I have to wonder why it is that I've succumbed so badly to this.

I want to find out... but at the same time I don't feel like doing so. That's just the problem. Or maybe the problem is that I'm tired of things and want change. I have to make these changes... and yet I don't have much motivation to do so. Isn't that just great?

Of course, I don't even know what I'm talking about - this is a "mind stream" entry, so everything's pretty much being typed up as I think it. (Wow, I think I need sleep.) Is this the sign of me jumping down the deep end? A sign that I need a vacation? Some other thing signifying that I need something else to do?

I'm not sure. But for now, I think I'm sure of one thing: getting some characters leveled. And maybe taking a nap. And if time permits: getting lunch with a friend or two (hopefully). I haven't really planned anything yet, so we'll have to see. (Although to be honest: that nap's sounding really good...)

But what to do right now? Between that nap, role-playing, leveling, reading a book (just got my hands on Battle Royale), and other things, I just can't decide!

We'll let time (and my boredom) dictate my actions until it's time to work.

Wander, My Friend

Today's been one of those days where I decided to take a look at a lot of things. While I focus on things going on around the world, I had to take a look at myself, because I realized something. Despite some good times and things, the rest of my life... well, haven't been so great. Things have forced me to take a left turn into the middle of nowhere (quite literally, might I add).

Maybe I'm a little frustrated a tad over my head with all this frustration. Said frustration stems from how some things in my life are going. That's normal for a lot of people - myself included. Between the sudden spike in gas prices last month (yay for California's ineptness involving the distribution of winter-blend gasoline), the notion that things seem to be falling apart for some people, and the most stable of situations seem to be imploding upon themselves, it's hard to disagree if someone says they're (somewhat) frazzled.

I say all this because in the journey of life we've been traveling, we've all lost our way somehow. For some, they've recovered and they're out there doing something. As for me... well, I don't know where I am or where I'm going. I've deviated from the path I originally had mapped out - and now, I'm lost in a forest of illusions (and I'm not talking about World 5 from Super Mario World). October was a pretty sure sign that I got myself confused and wandering around... but I think now's the time for me to find my way out.

You know it's a bad sign when you receive a list of tasks to finish that's taller than you.

Now before you leave in disgust and think, "Oh, great; this entry's going to be some lame-o one where Josh rants on and on forever about how (some) things in his life suck," let me tell you that it's NOT. (Okay, let me rephrase: "it's not going to be over 25% should I start ranting about my life.") Yes, I'm a tad over my head with some of my stress, but life isn't 100% down the crapper right now. (I mean, do you even see a "flash vent" tag up there? ... ...oh, yeah. that "flash vent" tag. Surprisingly, this is not why it's up there.) Besides, I've found things that have made this otherwise trite life of mine somewhat bearable, and to me, that's worth a lot.

However, if you're going to leave because you're under the impression that this entry's going to be a long one: then I have to say you suck, you illiterate doof you're completely correct. I have to make up for the crap-fest of "entries" that was October, so as such... expect a long and (hopefully) good entry for once. I'm kind of overdue for one, no?

Short-Handed Prose

And it comes down to this - writing and some bad prose. It all leads to something new, something more... and I become weary of working on my words. But I continue to do so, as it compels me to do more - to write more and create more.

For the world is now mine to mold into what I desire, and I wish for nothing but blissful words that work out the problems I see.

Come on, follow me - we'll soon be able to find the truth we've reached for all this time...

Saluting Farewell

Work was tiring last night - and I found that out the hard way as I drove home from work. So as I was getting myself home, I sort of drooped around but was able to keep conscious for two reasons:

1. I was chatting with my girlfriend on the phone. (I had a headset.)
2. Sleeping on my bed sounded wonderful.

Despite my best efforts to stay 100% focused, I was tired. Tired like you could not believe. I mean, I was at that point where the moment I walked into range of my bed, I'd lose consciousness and just fall asleep right then and there. Truth be told, I almost did - and if it weren't for the fact that I was on the phone with my girlfriend, I'd probably be drooling on top of my bed until 1000... and then wake up wondering why my car is upside-down and tail-end first through my room's window.

Don't worry; I got home perfectly fine. If anything, you should laugh - Murphy's law kicked in and instead of falling unconscious instantaneously, I shot up wide awake with energy. Don't know where it came from, but it just showed up out of the blue. Rather than curse my luck for this adrenaline rush (I for some reason have a shift starting at 1100 today), I decided to embrace it.

So as I was chatting on the phone, I figured I'd somehow kill the unknown amount of time I was blessed cursed with. I grabbed an Arizona Orangeade I had sitting in the fridge, booted up my laptop to browse the Internet, and began debating with my girlfriend on what to do. To that end, I usually have three primary methods of killing time using the Internet:

1. Randomly shuffle through Wikipedia entries. (Learn something new.)
2. Trap myself in the wonderful world that is TV Tropes. (Read something silly.)
3. Scope Facebook to see what's up with everypony. (Stalking!)

For some reason, the latter option sounded like the best way to deal with this sudden surge of... insomnia? Adrenaline? Lords know, but either way, Facebook ended up being my decision. So I took a few sips of my orangeade and logged on. Seconds later, I was off to lurk on the social network site like the sneaky, devilish bastard I am see what was going on in everyone's lives.

Little did I know that I'd find out something that would alter how the rest of my night played out.

Uppercutting the Letdowns

Lately I've found myself to be... well, lacking in terms of energy stores.

Autopiloted

Day nine of my fancy vacation has a few things planned out - all of which got interrupted because of me sleeping in 'til noon. Oh, yay.

Fortunately, I have the afternoon to make up for it. That's even better, but now... I must go and get prepared for things. Muahahaha.

Why am I laughing? I don't even know. Hell, I don't even know what I'm typing right now; I'm kind of on autopilot. Woo. Autopilot. Isn't that bad for someone like me who posts blog entries to type on autopilot?

I don't know, and I don't care. Day nine of this summer vacation of mine's starting, and I'm missing out with each second I spend on here. Away! *jets off*

Sleepless Rant

You ever wonder what happens when you decide that other things are more important than important things... like, sleep? Well, I had a bout of this last night (I still have yet to fall asleep), and this is what happens when you decide to give a writer a bit of a break and said writer declares "writing > sleep" to be true...

Keep in mind that I started writing everything below at roughly 0430 earlier this morning. My body feels like complete crap right now, but... I need to post something now. Otherwise, if I should shut down in the afternoon, who knows how long I'll be out before I recover...?

Unfocused

I didn't know what to type for today, mainly because today is kind of weird for me. Normally, I get Tuesdays and Thursdays off, but this week I had Monday off, and tonight I'm working because I took someone's shift (hey, I needed the money).

It's still bright outside. Thank goodness for daylight savings. Maybe I'll soak up some rays before I head in or something. It's nice to get some sun.

I need music. And a loud, portable speaker. And maybe batteries.

Using my vacation pay sounds like a good thing to do. Maybe I should do that sometime this month... I could sure use a vacation. That, and I'm pretty sure I deserve one at this point.

I honestly don't know what else I'm typing up here. I'm bored; time to do other things until tomorrow.

Conversations With a Hybrid

Well, I said I'd give you something good today. It's time for me to deliver.





CURRENT MUSIC:
Avenged Sevenfold - "Dear God"
Avenged Sevenfold

As WinAmp went through its shuffling of its playlists, this song popped up. It matches today in terms of how easygoing and sunny this day seems to be thus far and how mellow and easygoing "Dear God" sounds (that opening just sets the mood up so well). Plus, this song is noteworthy for me because it holds a slot in my "Songs Inappropriate for the Zombie Apocalypse" playlist on WinAmp.


Lady Gaga - "Telephone (f. Beyoncé)"
The Fame Monster

There's a few meanings I got from this song, and I'm not quite sure which one is the most likely one. However, the only thing I remember in the end was this: it's quite danceable. I'll admit: I've had this song stuck in my head for a while. Add the fact that I found a StepMania simfile for the song and you could probably guess how much rotation this song's been getting. As I'm attempting to get an A-Rank on StepMania with this song, this'll probably be on my head for a while.


Bear McCreary - "The Dance"
Battlestar Galactica: Season 3 Original Soundtrack

Can someone say "fun musical piece" here? Yeah, I know you're thinking it. This 2.5 minute dance-worthy musical interlude just screams Irish/Scottish jig. If the fiddle and uilleann pipes didn't give it away, I'm not sure what will.

An excellent and lively piece, "The Dance" is sure to put a spring to your step as you work on whatever you're working on. A few of you may even be inspired to dance along with the music (or even perform your own (crappy) Irish/Scottish jig). Don't lie - you know you want to go along with the music.



"Chickenshit refers to behavior that makes military life worse than it need be: petty harassment of the weak by the strong; open scrimmage for power and authority and prestige; sadism thinly disguised as necessary discipline; a constant 'paying off of old scores'; and insistence on the letter rather than the spirit of ordinances. Chickenshit is so called - instead of horse- or bull- or elephant shit - because it is small-minded and ignoble and takes the trivial seriously."
- Paul Fussell
(Wartime: Understanding and Behavior in the Second World War)

Not-so-surprisingly, this quote can be applied to areas outside the war zone. Much like The Art of War, the concept of chickenshit is easily seen amongst the work force, politics - pretty much anywhere where a person is in some kind of command position amongst others.

I felt like quoting this for a few reasons:

1. I went through my ever-growing list of quotes I have on my laptop and randomly scrolled until I felt like stopping. This was on the page I stopped on.
2. As the retail world enters the fourth quarter of the fiscal year, they prepare to deal with large sales, even larger crowds of shoppers, and improperly-exercised authority amongst command crews who crack under the pressure that the fourth quarter brings.
3. It reminded me of Band of Brothers - both the book and the television series. Captain Sobel, anyone?

Now, that's not to say that every single retail worker out there (myself included) will either have to wade through the chickenshit or drown our subordinates with it. I just know that each part of the retail world will have to deal with this eventually - and fourth quarter's the most likely time for a tidal wave's worth to crash down on us.