Saluting Farewell

Work was tiring last night - and I found that out the hard way as I drove home from work. So as I was getting myself home, I sort of drooped around but was able to keep conscious for two reasons:

1. I was chatting with my girlfriend on the phone. (I had a headset.)
2. Sleeping on my bed sounded wonderful.

Despite my best efforts to stay 100% focused, I was tired. Tired like you could not believe. I mean, I was at that point where the moment I walked into range of my bed, I'd lose consciousness and just fall asleep right then and there. Truth be told, I almost did - and if it weren't for the fact that I was on the phone with my girlfriend, I'd probably be drooling on top of my bed until 1000... and then wake up wondering why my car is upside-down and tail-end first through my room's window.

Don't worry; I got home perfectly fine. If anything, you should laugh - Murphy's law kicked in and instead of falling unconscious instantaneously, I shot up wide awake with energy. Don't know where it came from, but it just showed up out of the blue. Rather than curse my luck for this adrenaline rush (I for some reason have a shift starting at 1100 today), I decided to embrace it.

So as I was chatting on the phone, I figured I'd somehow kill the unknown amount of time I was blessed cursed with. I grabbed an Arizona Orangeade I had sitting in the fridge, booted up my laptop to browse the Internet, and began debating with my girlfriend on what to do. To that end, I usually have three primary methods of killing time using the Internet:

1. Randomly shuffle through Wikipedia entries. (Learn something new.)
2. Trap myself in the wonderful world that is TV Tropes. (Read something silly.)
3. Scope Facebook to see what's up with everypony. (Stalking!)

For some reason, the latter option sounded like the best way to deal with this sudden surge of... insomnia? Adrenaline? Lords know, but either way, Facebook ended up being my decision. So I took a few sips of my orangeade and logged on. Seconds later, I was off to lurk on the social network site like the sneaky, devilish bastard I am see what was going on in everyone's lives.

Little did I know that I'd find out something that would alter how the rest of my night played out.





CURRENT MUSIC:
Keiki Kobayashi - "Into the Dusk"
Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War Original Soundtrack

Bear McCreary - "Two Funerals"
Battlestar Galactica: Season 1 Original Soundtrack





You're probably wondering why there were no descriptions for either of the excellently-composed music pieces I listed above. (This was done intentionally, in case you didn't pick up on it already.) Normally, I would give connotation to why I placed the music I chose for the entry, but I figured I'd just explain why I decided to share these pieces with you down here instead. Confusing and out-of-order for my otherwise "organized" blog, I know - but as you read, you'll understand. (For those of you who hail from my graduating class, you probably already know why.)





For those of you who have a Facebook, you know how it is with your standard-issue news feed. You tend to see the most recent updates, tags, uploaded media and/or what not at the top. As such, when you start scrolling down, the older ones begin to show.

Last night's status-reading began like any other - drink in my left hand, phone call going through my headset, me scrolling with the mouse on the right, eyes scanning the screen to see what the current headlines or "headlines" were. I read some things that were interesting. On that list included things such as:

• status updates from people bitching about how they can't sleep (join the club)
• random pictures posted on Pinterest
• pictures and videos people (somehow) found amusing
• links to random news articles from all walks of life

And it was all very... not interesting. As I kept scrolling down, I found myself disappointed. True, the daily minutiae of life tends to lean towards the side of boredom - but we try to make the best of it. Maybe that's why people post such (unimportant) things - it strokes their ego knowing that somepony somewhere is being entertained with something. Sarcastically, I asked the empty space around me (and my girlfriend on the phone) for some juicier tidbit of news - something better to read - something that was actually gripping for once.

I got my wish - and to be frank with you: I regret it.

Without warning I stumbled across another friend's status update. She had been going through a rough few days this past week, and she had a habit of using her Facebook statuses to vent. People do that occasionally (I know I did when I was younger) and she was one of them. However, what she said on this particular update/vent caught my attention: "The world lost a beautiful soul today."

For a good amount of people I know, 2012 hasn't been kind. As it's the supposed year of the apocalypse, I found it unsurprising how people have been dying left and right. However, it concerned me when I began realizing that these people I know slowly have been losing friends and loved ones. It's a part of life (sadly), but the fact of the matter is that the rate's been unusually high. (Digressing.) Figuring that someone in her family passed on, I was starting to feel bad when her next sentence got scanned by my eyes.

And those eyes widened in shock when I read the name of an old high school friend:
"Bethany Marie Widman."

Instantly I clicked on Bethany's profile page and was greeted by a flood of messages from surprised friends and loved ones. I scrolled down and down to find exactly what happened to her - a post from the first person to give their farewells and miss yous, some kind of announcement from a relative, something that would divulge what exactly happened. From what I gathered, she suddenly passed away yesterday morning - and that's all anyone really knows. (As of this writing, no one still knows what exactly happened yet.)

To say I was at a loss of words would be somewhat correct. To say that I was at a loss of coherent and rational thought would be more accurate. I stammered in shock as my mind began to process every single thing that I just saw. My girlfriend noticed my sudden break in the conversation - it took me all of three minutes to be able to explain what I had just read.

And to make this saddening story even more tragic:
Bethany leaves her husband Ben and her three-week-old daughter Coralie behind.

I... I couldn't believe what I was seeing. As I said before, I was kind of unsurprised with all of the deaths occurring this year. (I'm not trying to sound callous - I'm just used to bad things happening to people.) Hearing about Bethany's sudden passing, though... that someone I actually know is no longer with us... it hits home harder, really.

Initially, I had wanted to type something up on Facebook, but I felt that it wasn't my place. Her profile page had plenty of relatives and friends commenting in shock; having an old... I guess you could say "acquaintance..." comment "randomly" would seem somewhat jarring. I wanted to blame the constant truth that everyone drifts apart after high school graduation (I had probably talked to her a few times in passing before she moved up to Alaska, and this was years ago) and not comment at all.

However, I felt that doing so would not only seem lazy, but also as an insult to Bethany's memory. I'm sure that other mutual friends of ours who haven't communicated to her in months (or years) are probably in a somewhat-similar state of shock as I am when they found out. While the loss of words is temporary, the feeling's still there - the desire to react how we would react to hearing of a friend's death.

It was that moment where I decided to type something up my own way - by posting on my blog here. However, I didn't know what to write. I was probably in just as serious a state of psychological catatonia as all the people who commented on Bethany's Facebook page.

So I did what I normally do for writing fuel: I look at other people's works to see if I can draw any kind of inspiration. For some reason, I thought of Battlestar Galactica and an early episode where a large group of pilots get killed in a freak accident on the hangar deck. The next day, the remaining pilots are briefed by Lee Adama about the funeral services for the dead. After noticing that everyone in the room was still in a shocked stupor, he shakily stated:

"I wish I knew what to say... words to make this better.
Can anything make this better? I don't know."

Truth be told: I didn't know, either. (Hell, I still don't.) I spent about an hour gazing at the screen, wondering what to write. In-between this constantly-losing staring contest were bouts of typing random quips and looking at what Bethany's friends and relatives said.

(To be honest, it was probably a good thing that I couldn't come up with anything at first. To say something along the lines of "hearing about her death somehow inspired me to write" woulds sound both uplifting (in a sad way) and absolutely deplorable at the same time. It would make me sound like I didn't like her at all - and that just sounds even worse.)

I remembered hearing somewhere that a nice way to talk about the recently-passed on was to share a strong memory you have of them. A few of her friends already did that on her profile, and I thought I'd do the same. (To be honest, it's probably the best thing to do for someone who you haven't been in contact with for a while.) So I typed and typed and typed, and about two hours later I came up with a little something I'd like to share in regards to this shocking turn of events. I thought I'd keep it simple - and by that I mean I'd act as if I was talking to her and she were there to listen. (Then again, that's what everyone does.)

So, in closing, I'd like to recant to you what I wrote to her.

Bethany:

I feel that it's been ages since we last talked with one another. I always like chatting up storms with (old) high school friends so I could catch up with their lives, but unfortunately, it looks as though I'll never get to have that chance with you.

All of your friends and family have posted loving messages on your Facebook profile, and all have been quite shocked by your sudden departure from this world. I think it's safe to say that for me, the latter is quite true. As for the former? That's where this (not-so-)little blurb comes in.

Considering that I could best be described in social parlance as an "old high school friend," I feel that what words of mine I can offer will pale in comparison to the other messages. That won't stop me from saying anything, regardless - to not do so would be a shame, really. Your friends spoke of your strong devotion to God and your family. Some spoke of fond memories that brought them joy and laughter. Most of all, they spoke of your warm and compassionate love for life, fun, and just about everything.

Ironically, the fondest memory that I have of you comes from a moment that seems almost uncharacteristic for you at first - yet at the same time, I think fits you perfectly. We were at the library for some high school class (I don't remember which) working on group assignments. Our group finished early, so we were allowed to go to a different section of the library and socialize.

For some reason, I had been fantasizing about a Red Dawn-like scenario occurring in Camarillo - how I would help lead a resistance group of students like ourselves against the Communists a la Wolverines and train us to near-combat efficiency. I shared my thoughts with the group, and everyone seemed to agree with a good portion of them.

Everyone except you. You were nitpicking about something relating to my idea of having a woman be my go-to designated marksman. Somehow this escalated into a full-on argument that lasted until the bell rang - and since our group finished early, that was a while. To be honest, I can't remember what our stances were nor could I remember the points we made (or who even won that argument, for that matter), but I remember how annoyingly stubborn you were with your side of the debate.

It was this staunch refusal to back down from your beliefs that I'll remember you by, Bethany. Such stubbornness could be seen by some as obstinate. However, yours was of a different kind - faith. Like your belief in God, it was a firm, immovable force that kept you going strong, even when pummelled and threatened by other opinions and thoughts.

This unwavering faith also carried on to your personal life - most of your statuses featuring your husband Ben and your daughter Coralie became devoted and caring love - a love that I'm sure everyone knows you for by now.

Since some of your friends are posting pictures they have of you (and themselves) in the past, I figured I'd do the same.

The self-proclaimed "Queen of the Yearbook (Boxes)" not giving my camera the time of day.

Bethany, I know it's not the most flattering of photos. I hope you don't mind, though - not only was it the best I could find from my old archives of senior year pictures, but it was one that I felt captured that fun-loving and sassy (the good kind of sassy) personality I remember back in high school - the personality most of your friends seem to quote and regale about the most.

We will all miss that - just about as much as we will all miss you.

*snaps a salute*
So say we all...