Sleepless Rant

You ever wonder what happens when you decide that other things are more important than important things... like, sleep? Well, I had a bout of this last night (I still have yet to fall asleep), and this is what happens when you decide to give a writer a bit of a break and said writer declares "writing > sleep" to be true...

Keep in mind that I started writing everything below at roughly 0430 earlier this morning. My body feels like complete crap right now, but... I need to post something now. Otherwise, if I should shut down in the afternoon, who knows how long I'll be out before I recover...?





You ever have one of those days where everything seems to be going fine? Plans that are made go through without a hitch. Dinner fills you more than you'd expect to. Friends show up and grand old times are had. Things just roll very smoothly and for once, life seems to be going rather well.

Then out of nowhere, a screwball gets thrown at you at the last second. You react to this newfound challenge the best you can, but try as you might, you unable to catch it before it bounces. It could be fatigue, it could be a lack of energy, it could be your time for Murphy's law to frak you over very badly - regardless of your reasons for being unable to catch the screwball, the fact remains that you didn't - and by failing to do so, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth that seems to linker well into the next day or two.

Well, I'm going through a moment like that right now. It's just GREAT. At the time of writing this paragraph out, the time and date read as "Friday, May 04 - 0440 hours." It's been a long while since I've been up this late, and I'm slowly feeling the effects of fatigue, sleep deprivation, and all those wonderful feelings the average insomniac gets. Right before I arrived at home, I realized that a major problem had surfaced and that I had to deal with it right away. (Gotta love my priorities sometimes...)

To be honest, I'm not sure why I decided against turning in for the night and worrying about this particular problem after I woke up. It's not that threatening of a problem, but it apparently was important enough for me to cast off a much-needed date with my bed. (Oh, how I'm regretting it already...) It's causing me to question just how well I can operate with no sleep, no energy, and no chance of getting rest any time soon. My eyes want to close up shop; my internal organs feel as if they're going to shut down any second now; I'm barely able to concentrate fully on writing this bit of… well, writing; my mind is rhetorically considering switching on the autopilot until the situation somehow gets resolved.

Coffee: best served black. No exceptions.

In front of me is a cup of black coffee - my current stimulant of choice and probably the only thing that's getting me through this night. Okay - my misplaced resolve is probably also at fault here as well, but... I like to place my blame on other things that have nothing to do with my predicament. (Sounds like an American trait, no?) I'm probably going to get myself a second cup (and possibly something to eat as well) because I'm pretty sure I could use some fuel to keep me (somewhat) functioning.

It's currently 0505 right now - I'm feeling about the same as I was when I first started writing this spiel. The caffeine is... starting to kick in. I'm having small bursts of energy that get my gears switched to high alert - and then energy peaks off and I start feeling tired. This biorhythmic feedback loop seems to be operating at a shorter peace, so I'm guessing one of two things are occurring:

1. My decision of getting a burst of caffeine is slowly taking effect, and my body's acting like a car that won't start right away (but eventually starts up given enough time).
2. In my body's sudden need for energy, it's burning through it at an alarmingly rapid rate, and if I don't replace the lost energy as soon as possible, then trouble is going to start...

Denny's will usually hit the spot for me no matter what time it is - but if you're feeling sleep-deprived, then everything tastes like crap.

Ooh, yay - food's here. This could be that burst of energy I so desperately need right now... *takes a few bites* Oh, by the Gods, this is hitting the spot right now! Yay for food - fuel - energy! While this sounds like relief, it's now suddenly feeling like a double-edged sword. I now have fuel, but since my stomach needs fuel so it can process more fuel, it's going to call first dibs on this newfound energy. You can tell this is happening right now - I mean, if the gradual change in wording and writing isn't making it painfully obvious, I'm not sure what will.

(Author's Note: At this point, my writing became almost illegible. I'm decent at reading most other people's handwriting, but when you can't recognize your own, you need to rest. Damn shame I suck at taking my own advice.)

...and now I can see the sky. Sunrise will be upon me soon. That's good - I'm now a little bit closer to the operation time that I need to deal with my... "crisis." As each minute ticks away, I become one step closer to (hopefully) achieving my objective... at the cost of my life energy. (Let's face it: I'm burning the candle at both ends by putting myself through all this.

With each moment in time that I spend gazing out the window, the horizon becomes brighter and brighter... quite a colorful contrast to the bleakness of my current situation. I've got roughly a third left of my food to chow down on, and I'm taking my time to consume the remainder - partially because I'm feeling full and I want to pace myself (lest I risk a food coma), and partially because I still need to burn some time before H-Hour is upon me.

Sunrise...!

It's now officially 0540 - at least one hour after I began writing this out. Dawn approaches; I'm slowly becoming anxious due to the time. I'm starting to get concerned over the effectiveness of this refueling mission I'm performing - option #2 seems to be the one that's kicking in. (Dammit, coffee; why hast thou forsaken me!?) If none of this energy kicks in soon... I'm scared.

I, uh... I think I said that last sentence already (I'm too lazy to double-check), but if I did, then my mind has probably shut everything else down except for the autopilot, which is recycling old sentences I already wrote. That, and by the looks of it, the syntax and my writing seem to look next-to-abysmal by now.

I just realized something: I don't know if I have the alertness (much less the ENERGY) to DRIVE. This concerns me greatly because not having any reaction time is essentially a death wish. I can't have that now; I have a life to live and a mission to complete!