Anyway, to help me out whenever I'm on Chari and an RP session goes on near her residence, she will probably be seen either reading a book (assuming someone didn't decide to pick a fight) or loaning one to a friend. Since most of the time I do my role-play with mass amounts of dramedy, it can be assumed that I'll make sure a joke is cracked somewhere - be it with the cycloptic sin'dorei's sarcasm or her ridiculous library.
Speaking of the latter: this is a list of some of the many, many books I've invented for numerous role-playing sessions. While some of these actually exist in-game, the majority do not - but that doesn't stop RPers from getting a quick laugh and enjoying my silly list of ideas. (DISCLAIMER: Obviously, the whole "roleplaying in World of Warcraft" thing isn't my idea, but I do take non-profit credit for the books that I made up.)
Author's Note:
Books that are italicized are in Chariselle's personal library.
Books that are underlined actually exist in-game.
- 101 Tasteless Orc Jokes
- 101 Tasteless Tauren Joke
- As horrible as racism is, you can't help but crack a laugh at a joke sometimes.
- 101 Ways to Annoy the Nether Out of Your Instructor/Superior/Guild Master
- Created to lampoon all those idiots who manage to piss off the raid leader yet still manage to stay in the group...
- 9696 – A Look at Paladin Defensive Combat Theories
- This came up after I had just mastered end-game Paladin tank rotation... right before Cataclysm changed how every class worked. Back then, most Protection Paladins' spells were either on a six-second cooldown or a nine-second cooldown. Tanking efficiently required that you knew when to hit what skill. Cataclysm Paladin tanking seems more organic now in that you smack your skills whenever you can (although people still insist on rotations)... and I like that. I like having to react to everything that's going on.
- A Beginner's Guide to Skinning
- A Legend of Two Towns
- A Tale of Two Cities
- A Medical Guide for Amnesia Treatment
- There was a moment in Chariselle's RP history where she suffered retrograde amnesia. My guess is that someone got this while she was at home recovering and never bothered to take it back...
- A Steamy Romance Novel
- A Steamy Romance Novel: Blue Moon
- A Steamy Romance Novel: Forbidden Love
- A Steamy Romance Novel: Northern Exposure
- Yeah. They exist.
- A Visitor's Guide to Dalaran
- A Zombie's Guide to Proper Nutrition
- Ambiguous Knowledge Stage
- Totally doesn't sound like Mystery Science Theater... but at the same time, it does.
- Alamo Teechs U 2 Play DURID!
- Anyone who's ever played a Druid extensively knows who Alamo is. Back in the original days of the game, Druids were pretty much underrated and unloved. They sucked; their skills were occasionally nerfed; morale was an all-time low. Then a
duriddruid player by the name of "Alamo" posted a hilarious gem of a forum post, and the fans of the Druids were revitalized into kicking ass. They still do - and it's probably thanks to this "guide." - All Gnomes Look Alike
- Asians, boxes, [insert ethnicity here]... they all do! Same goes with gnomes. You've punted one; you've punted them all! =P
- Assassin – How to Play the Role-Playing Game
- At Least He Had Chicken - The Legend of Leeroy Jenkins
- Yes. At least he did.
- Azerothian Gnome Punting League - Kalimdor Division Legends
- Azerothian Gnome Punting League Rulebook v.13.37
- A bit of backstory behind the AGPL... I figured that while Azeroth is war-torn, there are organizations that exist where race and faction don't matter whatsoever. The Darkmoon Faire is one such example, but I wanted something sillier that also encompassed real-life things. I figured the world's sport known as football (or "soccer" to you uneducated Americans) could be a prime example, but then I realized that there's not many soccer balls to punt around in Azeroth. Then a friend commented that while there's not that many balls, there are plenty of gnomes. I came up with the name "Azerothian Gnome Punting League" as a result, and it's stuck with me since. Of course, they don't punt gnomes anymore, but the name kinda stuck with the history... =P
- Azeroth Underground Gladiator League - A History
- Bilgewater Crabs: The Goblins' Transition from Exploding Robots to Rubber Balls... That Explode
- Each playable race got their own official AGPL team. This particular team belongs to the Bilgewater Cartel, the group of playable goblins on the Horde.
- Bloodthistle Brownies (and Other Junkie Recipies)
- Bloodthistle works exactly like marijuana does. RP-wise, it's even referred to as such.
- Brokeback Mount Hyjal
- Three guesses as to what this references.
- Cats > Dogs
- Conflict Diamonds – Why Kids in the Eastern Kingdoms No Longer Have Fathers
- I don't know why, but every time I've referenced this book, I get a laugh despite how dark it is...
- Cry of the Druid
- This one was suggested by one of my friends.
- Curbing the Habit – How to Stop Your Bloodthistle Addiction
- Dastardly Denizens of the Deep
- Darkmoon Faire Oddities
- Dead and Colorblind: A Collection of Forsaken Poetry
- Yerps; italicized. Chari enjoys some poetry every now and then.
- Defining "Step Two" – A Look at the Draenei's Three-Step Plan
- One of the male draenei's jokes goes: "We have it all figured out. Step one: we land the Exodar. Step three: we defeat Burning Legion and go home! There is... something missing..."
- Dogs > Cats
- Don't Use Big Words When Diminutive Ones Will Suffice – A Guide to Public Speaking
- Dun Morogh Rams: Ironforge's Drunken AGPL Contenders – Behind the FANTASTIC Season IV
- The dwarves' AGPL team has a hilarious reputation for entering each match drunk.
- Durotar Worgs: Orgrimmar's (Literal) Green Team – Why They've Yet to Win
- The orcs just can't seem to get a grasp of soccer, I guess? I never came up with an official reason, but I figured that there's always that one underdog "joke" team of sorts that plays regardless of how bad they do. (The NBA - and Los Angeles Lakers fans in particular - sees this in the Los Angeles Clippers.)
- Eels: The Creepy Menace of the Oceanic Depths
- Elwynn Stallions: The TRUE Stormwind Elite – Why the Alliance Roots "Elwynn"
- The humans' AGPL team and Chariselle's second-favorite.
- Falling in Love for Non-Believers
- Despite how much of a jerkass she is, we all know she's a huge softie who just wants to be loved.
- Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville – Behind the Legendary History of Lord Barnabus Stinsoni, THE Bro
- Total How I Met Your Mother reference right here.
- Gilneas Mastiffs: The Cursed Team – Taking a Bite Out of the AGPL
- The Gilneans (read: the worgen) apparently shattered most of the competition during their AGPL debut.
- Good 'Morrow, Alterac!
- Subtle Good Morning, Vietnam reference.
- Herbalism is NOT a Crime!
- Horde Division of Mounts and Vehicles – a Survival Guide
- Yes, even Azeroth is plagued by the worst government organization ever.
- How to Avoid Tax Evasion Lawsuits for Incompetent People
- How to Be a Hero(ine) for Incompetent People
- How to Be a Wingman for Incompetent People
- How to Be Awesome for Incompetent People
- How to Brew Your Own Brew for Incompetent People
- How to Clean Your Chain Mail Armor for Incompetent People
- How to Clean Your Rifle for Incompetent People
- How to Conquer the Alliance Department of Mounted Vehicles for Incompetent People
- How to Conquer the Horde Division of Mounts and Vehicles for Incompetent People
- How to Control your Imp for Incompetent People
- How to Cook for Incompetent People
- How to Cover-up a Murder Scene for Incompetent People
- How to Draw for Incompetent People
- How to Fight a Sexual Harassment Lawsuit for Incompetent People
- How to File Your Taxes for Incompetent People
- How to Fish for Incompetent People
- How to Gnome Punt for Incompetent People
- How to Have Sex for Incompetent People
- How to Land a Boyfriend for Incompetent People
- How to Land a Girlfriend for Incompetent People
- How to Make a Sandwich f\or Incompetent People
- How to Make the Tauren Moo for Incompetent People
- How to Mine for Fish for Incompetent People
- How to Mine for Incompetent People
- How to Play "Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG" for Incompetent People
- How to Play Piano for Incompetent People
- How to Play Poker for Incompetent People
- How to Protest for Incompetent People
- How to Read for Incompetent People
- How to Read "…for Incompetent People" Books for Incompetent People
- How to Remove Bloodstains for Incompetent People
- How to Seduce the Boy/Girl Next Door for Incompetent People
- How to Seduce the Local Tavern Barmaid for Incompetent People
- How to Seduce Your Succubus for Incompetent People
- How to "Skip to Step 3: Profit" for Incompetent People
- How to Speak Like Dem Trolls, Mon for Incompetent People
- How to Suit Up for Incompetent People
- How to Take Good Notes for Incompetent People
- How to Tame your Hawkstrider for Incompetent People
- How to Win at Chess for Incompetent People
- How to Wrangle Kodos for Incompetent People
- How to Write for Incompetent People
- How to Write Poetry for Incompetent People
- All of the books listed above are obvious references to the famed Dummies books.
- I Am Murloc
- If You Give a Gnome a Cookie...
- Imp Management – What to Say to Them So They Listen
- Created by my friend's characters Delan Demonfire and Rekkarm Deathgate.
- "It's Interdimensional; What Could Go Wrong?" – The Documentary of the Exodar Crash
- Mulgore Kodos: Thunder Bluff's Claim to Fame – The Horns of the AGPL
- The tauren AGPL team is the one Chariselle roots for the most. The book she owns herself has actually been signed by a number of the Kodos:
- Lanessa "Bonewall" Jakson (Forsaken, Goalie)
- Tonos "Punts-the-Earth" (Tauren, Left Defender)
- Auborn "Goal-Horn" Skysong (Tauren, Point Punter, 2011 Rookie of the Year)
- Glaxton "Fluffykins" Sprigglesworth (Gnome, Right Mid-Fielder)
- Huiton Thunderhoof (Tauren, Left Punter, 2008 MVP)
- Murlocs Have Feelings, Too!
- My Dragon Ate My Homework (And Other Excuses to Give Your Instructors)
- Nat Pagle's Guide to Extreme Anglin'
- Ninjas > Pirates
- No Country for Old Orcs
- Of Course You're Still Single; Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut
- Once Upon a Time, ARTHAS ROFLSTOMPED SILVERMOON
- One Gnome, Two Gnomes, Red Gnomes, Dead Gnomes
- Ironically, this is a children's book.
- Orcish / Common Dictionary
- Pirates > Ninjas
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "Education Homefront" Expansion
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "Hylian" Language Addition
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "Klingon" Language Addition
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "Leetspeak" Language Addition
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "Reaganomics" Expansion
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The 1960s" Expansion
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The American Revolution" Campaign
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The Cold War" Campaign
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The Corporate Era" Expansion
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The Great War" Campaign
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The Irish Republican Army" Expansion
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The Jurassic Park" Expansion
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The Second Great War" Campaign
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The War on Terror" Campaign
- Plaent Earth: The Tabletop RPG – "The Yom Kippur War" Campaign
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition – Archaeology Guidebook
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition – Countries Guidebook
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition – Careers Guidebook
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition – History Guidebook
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition – Languages Guidebook
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition – Religions Guidebook
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition – Vehicles Guidebook
- Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG v.2011 Edition – Weapons Guidebook
- The above books were an in-joke about what it would be like if our characters played a role-playing game. The result was "Planet Earth: The Tabletop RPG" - a game that is the RP-equivalent of "Dungeons & Dragons." Chariselle herself plays.
- Portals are NOT Garbage Bins!
- Quel'Thalas Hawkstriders: Silvermoon's Pride & Shame – From Their Surprise Upset Victory in Season III to the Bloodthistle Controversy of Season V
- Yeah... the blood elves of Silvermoon suck.
- "Ruler of the Bracelet" – Behind the Hit Azerothian Play
- Two guesses as to what this references. It's also based on one of the human male's jokes.
- Scourge Survival Guide
- Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit – A How-To Guide
- My favorite Monty Python sketch... now in an RP book!
- Setbacks: The Story Behind the Battle of Tempest Keep
- Space Battles Part I: The Perilous Phantasm
- Space Battles Part II: Assault of the Mechagnomes
- Space Battles Part III: Retribution of the Deep Space Lord
- Space Battles Part IV: New Optimism
- Space Battles Part V: The Mecharealm Smacks Back
- Space Battles Part VI: Arrival of the Cosmoknight
- Gee. If you didn't see this as an obvious reference to events that transpired a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
- Storm, Earth, and Fire – The History of the Elite Tauren Chieftains
- Swift Chow; Baked Occasions – A Behind-the-Scenes Look of the Hit Azerothian Play "Hezner and Koro Go to Murloco's"
- Taking the Blue Medicinal Capsule – A Behind-the-Scenes Look of the Hit Azerothian Play "Those Matrices"
- Taming the Tamer – A Guide to Prevent Your Pet from Being the Master
- Teldrassil Wisps: The Darnassian Underdog – The Unexpected AGPL I Champions
- The night elves surprised everyone. So much for them being fairies...
- The Art of War
- The Legend of the Night Elf Mohawk
- The Many Illegalities of Drunken Riding
- The Memo's Right There – A Behind-the-Scenes Look of the Hit Azerothian Play Series "The Bureau"
- The Power of Me
- The Prince
- The Rum is Gone – A Behind-the-Scenes Look of the Hit Azerothian Play "Pirates of Booty Bay"
- They All Deserve to Die – A Behind-the-Scenes Look of the Hit Azerothian Play "Lessana Bloodblade: The Fel Enchantress of Murder Row"
- "They're Not Mine, But They're Real!" – A History of Illegal Forsaken Breast Implant Surgeries
- I have... no idea how I came up with this. Needless to say, though... this gets the most laughs.
- Thinking with Portals - A Memorandum on Proper Portal Usage
- Tirisfal Abominations: Undercity's Craftiest – The Story of the Rejected Deathstalkers
- Just like how American football rejects end up becoming prison guards, special forces rejects in the Forsaken army tend to join gnome punting teams. Wait; that's not how it works?
- Wait; It's a WHAT!? – A Behind-the-Scenes Look of the Hit Azerothian Play " Space Battles Part VI: Arrival of the Cosmoknight"
- We TOLD You It Would Happen
- What the Fel be This "Hip Hop" T'ing Them Gnomes be Crankin, Mon?
- What the Scanner Says About Their Power Levels – A Behind-the-Scenes Look of the Hit Azerothian Play Series "Drake Sphere Z"
- "What's That!? The Cake is a Lie?" – Creating a Portal for Mages
- Why Blue Sucks and Red Rules – A History of the Warsong Gulch
- Why Red Sucks and Blue Rules – What "Why Blue Sucks and Red Rules" DIDN'T Tell You
- Wretched and Wretcheder
- Yeah, I Feel Lucky – A Behind-the-Scenes Look of the Hit Azerothian Play "Filthy Harrigan"
Well... until the 'morrow! I hope you cracked a laugh or two off in the meantime!
These are awesome! -W.K.
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