Digesting

With a solid breakfast now in my system, I think I'm gonna have a good day at work.
Nothing quite like a sub sammich (yes, I said "sammich") and some chips washed down with some lemonade.
Sounds plain, but when you look at it, it beats going in to work with either an empty stomach or while you're still digesting.

In other news, I think I should save some money up and revive my old video blogging project by getting a nice camcorder or something.
It's been a while since I've toyed with video editing software, and I think I should really get back to that.
Now that means I have to go browsing around looking for decent deals on good stuff...

Well, work beckons, so I'll catch y'all later.

Straight to the Point

Relaxation has many forms - and attending a birthday party can be one of them.
So can cleaning up your room (weird, I know).

And that sums up my day. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hit the bed. Sleep's such a nice thing to experience after a day like that...

Floorboarded

Today I noticed something quite freaky that I didn't know about before...
...I have a floor.

Yeah, my room can be messy... but that's just me.
Since part of this whole self-struggle involves getting my life together, I figured, "Why not get my room together first? That oughta be a good start."

Lo and behold, it was.
I'm not done yet, but I've done enough to leave me satisfied for today.

Off to work I go...!

Burning A Solid State of Mind

Today felt like one of those days of self-discovery. I don't know what compelled me to go around trying to figure things out, but I'm glad I did. It helped me discover a bit more about myself, and it's been rewarding (even though no physical reward has revealed itself).

And as for the title? Check what I was listening to. Two-thirds of the title is based off of that.





CURRENT MUSIC:
Harry Gregson-Williams - "Metal Gear Saga"
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots Original Soundtrack


Before I list why this is on my music list for today, I have to say that out of all the video game series out there, none have captured my imagination and mind quite as well as the Metal Gear Solid series.
I've been a loyal fan since the original PlayStation game, praising its complex and rich story and the amazing soundtracks the games have offered.
They say sometimes that video games are like interactive movies, and so far this series has presented the gaming world with that kind of experience.

Probably one of the greatest pieces composed for any of the Metal Gear Solid games.
"Metal Gear Saga" is one of the the game's tracks that captures the whole essence of Guns of the Patriots (as well as the other Metal Gear Solid games) in its entirety.
After the action part fades off, a lone guitar strums its way in at around 2:43, kicking off what most Metal Gear Solid fans would highlight as their "Top 5" segments in the game (or at least in the music department). The guitar gives way to a trumpet lead continuing MGS4's leitmotif, building up to an aurally amazing ending.

As a die-hard Metal Gear Solid fan, I'm not ashamed to say that this piece (particularly: the lone guitar leadoff mentioned above coupled with the cutscene it prominently plays in*) will occasionally summon manly tears of awesomeness from me. I'm serious.
When a game or movie has you emotionally invested that well, you know someone made that moment right.

Now, the only thing that would make me happier than watching that scene after a fun Metal Gear Solid marathon would be hearing "Metal Gear Saga" live in orchestra format.
I... I'd think I'd cry manly tears of manliness there, too. I just love the series that much.


Shouji Meguro - "I'll Face Myself (Battle)"
Persona 4 Original Soundtrack

A rock piece played during the boss fights of Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4, "I'll Face Myself (Battle)" carries an overall theme of denial and acceptance - something that (in my view) the RPG game was speaking to us about.

Each of the primary characters that you end up recruiting in your party are Persona users (where they create physical manifestations of various facets of their psyche). However, in order to use this ability, they have to be able to accept who they are - and unfortunately, each person has some sort of inner demon within themselves that they can't accept as real.

While these characters would lie to everyone and themselves about how they truly felt (e.g.: feigning a happy-go-lucky outlook to hide a brooding boredom with their life, or resentment over having your destiny chosen for you), the reality of their terrorizing truths slowly ate at them, and when they finally come face-to-face with their inner demon in question (quite literally, might I add), they deny it as being an actual part of them.

Of course, that just makes the demon go nuts with power, and the result is a boss fight with some of the craziest-looking bosses I've seen to date.

Anyway, I digress. This is a great piece, and with my dissertation of it (via the explanation above), "I'll Face Myself (Battle)" definitely lives up to its name.
As today's entry has a bit of focus on facing off against myself, I thought it fitting for this track to play.
Heck, a good three quarters of the time I spent writing today's entry was spent blasting this through my headphones.**


* = The video should start at around 6'45". For those of you wondering the synopsis of this cutscene...***
(Author's Note: SPOILERS have been blacked out so they're visible only when highlighted. You've been warned...)
**SPOILER**
...after intense fighting, Solid Snake and Liquid Ocelot face off in one final and epic showdown to the death. Their brutal fist fight wears on to the point where both men are exhausted. Noticing nanomachine-suppressing syringes falling off their persons, the two grab a syringe each and - in a show of respect (despite their rivalry) - inject each other with them,  evening the odds and culminating in one of the most badass boss fights ever.
**END SPOILER**

** = After reading that summary, did you get a case of déjà vu? Some of you might have - any old-school readers who've read my Facebook entries will notice that line-by-line, it's a similar description to when I talked about it back with "The Persona of Astigmatic Reflection."

*** = Are you interested in finding out more about Guns of the Patriots but afraid of encountering MGS-related spoilers along the way? Well, I happen to know of a video that sums up the game in roughly ten seconds! No spoilers guaranteed! Plus, it provides us southern Californians with valuable insight as to what we'll be needing in the summertime!





It's way too warm outside. It might be the alcohol talking, but I think it needs to cool down some. Anyone have any beverages of any kind lying around?
None? No liquid whatsoever?

...oh. The footnotes from the music's done. Whoops. Uhm, lemme retry that.

*clears throat*

H-Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to today's edition of The White Knight Chronicles.
Once again, it seems that I've held up until the last minute on posting something here (gee, this is becoming a trademark thing, isn't it?), but at least I've yet to miss the deadline.





(Author's Note: Today's entry will definitely seem more... melancholic. After a long day of meditation - followed by a walk to the local Mexican restaurant for some tasty brain fuel - I had an epiphany. Mind you, I've had epiphanies before - but those realizations were insignificant next to the power of the Force the clear message this one broadcasted to me. Please bear with me on this - you have before, and seeing as how lots of people like the more-positive and somehow-upbeat me (don't question it; you know it's there if you've been with me since the new year), I'll do what I can not to drag you or myself into that cesspool of coagulated crap we call "depression.")










(Author's Note: On a lighter note, I had to warn you. I figured that every blogger out there has to vent like this once in a while, so this is my moment for that. Besides...

taken from the Avatar: The Last Airbender online forum "Distant Horizon"
(I'm not the original creator. Just putting that there for copyright reasons.)
(for more A:TLA-related demotivationals, see this thread)

Plus, look - my very first picture on this blog! If that's not a lighter note, I don't know what is!)





So today I've come to the realization that I'm severely burned out.



Mind you, I'm not burned out on posting here - but virtually everything else I've done for enjoyment has rattled to a standstill in terms of how often I engage in the activity in question.
I've probably stated signal sentences on previous entries beforehand (Hell, I have - does the phrase "I'm lazy" qualify?) and have yet to realize the case until now.

It scares me that I'm at a state like this. Sure, a bit of hyperactivity is responsible for overfilling my plate, but the fact that I've yet to finish anything on it... it's sickening.

I'm destined for greatness. I know I am. I'm not trying to sound all self-centered or anything here, but I knew from the moment I began doing all the things I do - all the work and dreaming I did during grade school - it all meant that I was going to make it out there.
I was going to see my names up in lights somewhere, famous for some crazy works or just for being awesome in some level. (No, people: we're not doing the "infamous criminal" route of fame. That's "infamy," and I don't want that on me... unless it involves the vuvuzela drive-bys...)



But... but I'm burned out. I... I see it now. Anyone around me lately can easily attribute most (if not all) of these symptoms and current personality quirks.

This explains a lot - why I've been getting random doses of inspiration and motivation to work on something only to get hit with a bigger dose of lethargy... why nothing has been entertaining as of late...why I hesitated on even posting this entry on here in the first place.



Why...?



Now, that's a question I want answered. Why did I get burned out? What caused me to become the underachieving slacker I didn't want to transform into? Was anyone partly to blame (aside from myself)?

More importantly, how do I combat it? How do I emerge from this self-dug hellhole alive?
What do I need to fight, and how long would it take before I can claim myself as victorious?



I... I don't know the answers to any of these questions...





...but I do know one thing.

*cue "I'll Face Myself (Battle)" as the area goes black and a spotlight shines down on me*

I now know that this is the inner demon that disguised itself as me in "Cryptic Metaphor" - the one I've been subconsciously grappling against for eons without me realizing it. And also subconsciously, I've been denying its existence - and maybe that is what has been fueling this... this... lethargy. It's a sickness (not that sickness, Disturbed fans) and I need to be cured of it muy pronto... or else I'll be consumed by it. Forever.

So, now that I know this demon's identity...

*deep breath*

To the unholy parasite of a demon that spawned within me: this is your vengeful host, Josh Blanco the White Knight! You have corrupted my soul and slaughtered my dreams for far too long! It is time to meet your end and vanquish you once and for all!

(Author's Note: The previous fully italicized sentence is best read when "I'll Face Myself (Battle)" is at this part. Read along and imagine some pseudo-sequence where energy is flowing around me Dragon Ball Z-style, the camera pans in a 360 degree angle around me, and I'm decked in some special-ops olive drab uniform as I dramatically pull out a pistol and a knife and get into a combat stance. Oh, and as the guitar stops wailing, the camera stops panning so that it's facing right at me and a stock "shing!" sound effect goes off. Gotta love my overactive imagination, huh?)





So, apart from wanting to wage war on this burnout... I don't think I have much else to report.
Oh, wait; never mind... I do.

Fish tacos and beer... WOW. What a combination.

Until the 'morrow, everyone!

Yet Another Monday Flies

It seems that my strong post days happen to be on days where work hasn't hampered my schedule.
As most of you can quite guess by now... today's not one of those days.



On the bright side: it's a Monday night, which means a (somewhat) easy time at work, my "Friday" for myself, and (in today's case:) the first day of post-Easter clearance stuffs.

And Monday nights usually herald... the "Tuesday Morning Release," when game stores and any place that sells multimedia products throw the new releases!
For me and some of my friends, that means new cards. Whoo.



I digress. I promise you there's going to be a better entry tomorrow. For now, though, I'm just going to call it a day and keep solving puzzles. *grabs the 3DS and loads up Super Scribblenauts*

An Easter Sunday Off

I know that I'm something of a procrastinator and that I keep posting all these short entries.
It sucks, but... well, it's like a drug. I can't stop because it feel sooooooo good.

So apart from spending my Easter Sunday off (thank goodness; work was killer last night), I haven't done much. Hung out with some friends, got food, watched some rather interesting things on YouTube, and... well...

*eyes the cold ones in the fridge* ...I think I need to relax a bit. So g'night, all; until the 'morrow, and... all that jazz.

The Horn of the Apocalypse

No, ladies and gentlemen. I'm not talking about the angelic horns that could tote should the biblical apocalypse happen.
I'm talking about... the vuvuzela.
Virtually unknown until last year's FIFA World Cup, this rather annoying instrument has been the bane of healthy eardrums and fun-bashers alike.



For those of you who lack a Facebook (or don't have me as a friend), I'm only going to say this once:
I ordered a vuvuzela.






More importantly, since nobody wanted to get me a vuvuzela, I'm going to initiate my "vuvuzela drive-by" policy now on anyone and everyone.

What's the policy, you ask?
Simple: I get a sadistic driver to drive my equally-sadistic self around the area (in particular: friends' houses) and wait to see someone I know.
I then blare the vuvuzela to the point where the person in question wants to physically tackle the car I'm in in a vain attempt to stop my blaring.
At that point, we drive off only to cause more havoc at someone else's place of residence.



Doom will now be heralded in the city streets once the box arrives... so to my friends who are still in the vicinity: when you hear maniacal laughter akin to a crazed psychopath with a book listing a bunch of dead people, RUN. (Unless you're some kind of crazy person who wants to join in my antics.)





(Author's Note: This message is brought to you in part by people who wish not to harm you with a vuvuzela. YET.)

Penned by Pensiveness

Lately, I've been working on a paper. No, it's not for a class; and no, it's not someone else's work that I just so happen to be... "improving."

Conclusion: it's for me. I wanted to write it. Cue the numerous "...what!?"'s and "are you [expletive] serious?" responses.





CURRENT MUSIC:
Shinedown - "45"
Leave a Whisper

One of Shinedown's most well-known songs, and - in my opinion - one of the world's most emotionally-gripping. (If not the world's, then at least Shinedown's.)

Contrary to what the song sounds like, it's not a message of suicide contemplation. Rather than thinking that the singer's staring down the barrel of an actual .45 pistol... think: what if the world that's been pressuring you is the .45, metaphorically speaking?

If anything, this song is more about hope despite what the lyrics might say...



"Artistic growth is, more than anything else, a refining of the sense of truthfulness. The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only the artist - the great artist - knows how difficult it is."
- Willa Cather

Interesting quote, I think. As a writer, I've found it difficult to stay true to truth whenever I write (hell, I find it difficult staying true when I'm not writing).
No, it's not that I'm lying* or anything to anyone. I just... find it a bit difficult to be truthful in my work when it exposes oh-so much.

Tell you what: when my "paper" is published on my blog here, read it carefully and try to figure out how difficult it was for me to be so open like that. I'm not expecting much openness here, but that's kind of the point I'm getting across.

* = I resent the concept of it, but under times of stress or secrecy, it doesn't mean I won't resort to it.





So as one can guess, most of today's entry focuses on my artistic work. Oh, fun.



Wednesday night at work, a few events occurred that got me questioning a certain aspect of life.
No, nothing bad happened to me or anyone - despite the somber tone today's entry carries, it was actually a good night (despite the usual idiocy people present us* in the wonderful world of retail).
What happened was that a few somewhat-touchy conversations and a few ill-timed songs blaring from my iPod triggered a state of pensive thought that I wasn't ready to meditate on for the entire night.
Granted, I was able to suppress it well enough - between more work, a speedy drive down the highway (made even speedier due to heavy techno blaring from my speakers) and a late night dinner with a few friends, I made myself focus on the other things, promising myself that I'd get back to thinking it once I was at home.

Those who can read me well enough (or those who simply worked with me two days ago) will probably know what topic it is. *shakes head* I'm just a sucker for it, really. Aren't I? *laughs incredulously*
Should the knowledge of this topic become evident to you: I beseech you to stay your words.
(Translation: "If you end up finding out: please don't tell.")

I spent a good portion of last night writing things down and taking notes on my topic, but for some strange reason, it never seems to be enough to base a paper on. I mean, it technically is in terms of quantity, but... all the notes seem hollowed out and... somehow, fake.
I don't know how to explain it, and last night, I didn't, either. So I logged onto WoW, got Gefallen to 83 (smacking things around does help soothe frustration), and went back to working with a clear mind.
It didn't help much - the notes still didn't make any sense, and neither did my rough draft.
I probably have a good two pages composed on MS Word right now... and while at first glance it would look like a decent paper, all I see is garbled trash wasting two sheets of paper. (This isn't my perfectionist streak talking, mind you.)



Now, here's the tricky thing... in any normal artist's block**, this would be the time where one would seek some advice and/or inspiration from another (fellow artist) in order to continue on with their project.
However, when it comes to me and a personal project like this, I end up treating it like a top-secret project being stored inside Fort Knox - and only those with proper security clearance can get in***.

I know I need some help on this, but at the same time, I don't want to expose myself. The paper just clashes heavily with my stance on life, and well... things that clash tend to not work out well in the end.
Sometimes they do, but an undesirable aftershock occurs.

Who knows? I might just come up to some of you for some help. I might not. *shrugs* It's just how I am.



So what's the point of me talking about a paper I won't talk about and the fact that I've hit obstacles in the forms of my perfectionist streak and a butt-ugly artist's block?
Oh, I don't know - I just felt like sharing something for today. That, and the last two entries seemed lacking, no?



* = Let me get this straight so that both Target and the general public can be put at ease (somewhat): a person is smart (usually). People are stupid. That's my belief. Unfortunately for us retail workers, about 97.2% of the shopping crowd comprises of people. Occasionally I'll get to help a person who reciprocates my kindness and therefore will have a very pleasant shopping experience - and I'll vouch for them and them alone.

** = Every time I mention a writer's block (or any form of artist's block, really) I always picture my high school English teacher smacking me upside the head, looking me in the eyes and saying, "Whitey, repeat after me: there is no such thing as a writer's block." What makes this more hilarious is that whenever I did tell him I had a block back in high school, he did smack me upside the head, looked me in the eyes and said what he said. *laughs lightly* Oh, the good ol' days of high school.

*** = Now, there's a hierarchy chart I have on my laptop describing my personal security clearance levels and who's made it on the "top-secret" equivalent's list. It constantly gets modified with the times, but I can say this: get me emotionally distraught, and I might forget to apply the security check. Of course... if I find out it's only a ploy, prepare to get shut out of the top tier list. Forever.





I'm probably about 25% done with it right now, but I intend on finishing it all by the end of the month (read: Saturday, April 30) before I go in for work.

I'll be seeing you all later. Got some errands to run (thank you, pay day!) and some lunch to eat before I head to work. =)

Nappy-Nap

I don't know why, but for some strange reason, a nap really sounds good.
Which is odd for someone like me - I don't like taking naps.

*shrugs* Oh, well. Maybe some shut-eye will do me some good. Been lacking energy lately, so maybe this'll help.

*naps*

Just Like Usual

It's another one of those days where I just do everything last-second - including posting today's entry.
I swear, I sometimes wonder why my muses haven't slapped me silly for regressing to this pathetic life cycle yet.

...but apart from that, I got a few mini-projects finished, so yay, me. Sorta.