Anyways, I hope you read it. Doing so will open your eyes to a truth I should have revealed a while back. *grim smile* And now you see why my answer to the question "How are you doing?" is met with a dry, fatigued "Surviving."
CURRENT MUSIC:
Martin O'Donnell and Michael Salvatori - "What Once Was Lost"
Halo Original Soundtrack
In times uncertain and destinies unmapped, it's best to have a clear head and slowly take in everything going on around you. Poke the ceilings with ten-foot poles to check for traps. Trust no one (no matter how well you've known them) and assume they're out to kill you. Realize that the only winning move is not to play.
And in some cases, your only option is to take each step cautiously, treading lightly while a cold chill runs down your spine. "What Once Was Lost" takes this feeling and mutates it so that it gives you that chill and makes you panic. While this track applies really well to my own life right now (I've gotten wary of vehicles that have followed my path of travel for the last three minutes), it applies quite well to the game it originated from: Halo: Combat Evolved.
Set during the sixth mission of the game ("343 Guilty Spark") the Master Chief is dropped into a hot zone to locate a missing Marine unit. Once there, he finds the Covenant... only to find them running from the combat zone. It is in this mission that the Master Chief (and we the players) run into the major plot twist (and nightmare, for some of us) that is the Flood.
*shivers* Geez, I'm getting the creeps.
To be honest, I'm a bit amazed with myself. Considering how my current situation is slowly deteriorating with each passing day, one would think that I'd be going crazy by now. I mean, with how things are, it's nothing short of a miracle when one considers that I'm still (somewhat) able to retain some measure of sanity.
I barely get enough sleep anymore (I'm bordering on succumbing to sleep deprivation). I have no cash to afford things like lowering gas prices or the McDonald's value menu. (I don't even visit that chain in the first place.) Any potential out for my situation costs way too much (considering how little I make have no foreseeable method of getting out of this hole. And with my forced diet of "totally perishable (fast) (canned) food, I'm pretty sure my health is beginning to tank.
And it's been cloudy as frak lately! What kind of wake-up call is that when the sun's not shining on my face!?
Now, I know some of you out there have been yelling at me. I can hear your criticism and see your disapproving head-shaking. (This even applies to people who have yet to hear of my predicament.) Some of you had the audacity to say something ridiculous on the lines of "Oh, it wouldn't be this bad if you swallowed your pride and did 'X,' Josh" - with "X" being any of the following "suggestions" listed below:
- move in with one of my parentals to get myself (re-)situated
- find a second job so you can get more money
- live someplace cheaper
- die
Yes, I'm aware that those suggestions would probably alleviate my dilemma. I'm also aware that my physical health would improve drastically (not so sure about the last one *laughs*). However, after much consideration, I decided upon taking none of those routes.
"A" would cause me much grief no matter which parent I decided to go to. My dad lives in Las Vegas, which means becoming a fish-out-of-water, dealing with rampant nosebleeds (my sinuses really hate Vegas), and pretty much losing physical social contact with every friend I've made out here. And don't even get me started on
Option "B" looked doable at first, but then I ran into a few thoughts that had me back out. At this time of year, most regular places that would hire someone with my job experience and a (lack of completed) college education are only hiring for seasonal positions, meaning they'll cut me off by January (February at the latest). With the hours I already work at Target, I'll have to be scheduled in the morning - and I'm just the worst when I'm forced to be an early-bird. Thirdly, most applications require honest information with the info you write down, and I can't provide that. (I love that catch-22 - you need a job to afford a place to live, but you can't get a job without a legal residence. And this is why the ignorant keep inquiring about why the homeless can't get jobs.)
Furthermore, all that work and no time to rest or hang out with the people that matter to me? I'd go insane. Call me stupid or whatever - but I value my sanity and cherish my free time. It keeps me from imploding completely, and a sound mind (to me) is much more valuable than two paychecks every two weeks.
The friend that suggested "C" only said that to me because they themselves are in a bind (though by no means is their bind as bad as mine). "C" sounded like a somewhat-better version of "A" - but by no means was it as enticing. And they wanted to go inland? As much as I hate water (I can't swim), there's nothing as invigorating as the salty ocean breeze on a sunny afternoon.
And as for "D?" Hah! Go frak yourself, balding-dipshit-driving-a-Prius. No one likes you.
Of course, your mileage varies greatly from mine, and that's okay. You're entitled to your opinion and views on "common sense," and I'm entitled to mine. All things considered, I think I'm handling this situation somewhat better than how most others would, and I have to keep going and surviving.
So until I find something viable on Craigslist, I guess I'm out of luck for the time being, huh? *wry smirk* Well, at least my surprisingly-warm thin comforter is doing its job quite well. That, combined with the support (active or passive) I've received from the people who knew about this before these past two entries, have kept me level-headed... or as close to levelheaded as one can be.
I'll see y'all tomorrow or something. Heh.
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