Considering how I actually have the notes for this (as opposed to the original idea), it's better that I do this. But what is "this" exactly?
Okay, so remember how nearly two months ago I wanted to write a silly series involving marriages in Fire Emblem Awakening? (Of course not; nobody reads personal blogs - let alone mine.) That was the original thing I had planned to put up by today, but since I got sidetracked by about forty-five different things, that obviously didn't happen.
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| Four hours of pain and sixteen hours of level-grinding later... and I'm still getting my ass handed to me. |
I started my Lunatic run earlier this month, and since then it's been utter hell for me. To prove it, I've been keeping a log of thoughts, comments, and reactions I've had to this profanity-inducing run on my cell phone. I've transcribed everything from May 5 (the start of my run) to now for your viewing pleasure. So, if you've played the game and/or feel like laughing at my anguish, then feel free to read on.
CURRENT MUSIC:
Rei Kondoh - "Destiny"
Fire Emblem: Kakusei Original Soundtrack
Seeing as how today's entry is Fire Emblem-centric, it would make sense for an actual in-game track to show up here for my music. "Destiny" is one of the themes that can play during a mission during your turn. Like all the themes in this game, "Destiny" has two versions - the map overview variant, and the "ablaze" variant that plays when your units engage in battle. Both capture an excellent feel of war - one offering a grand view of the war zone, and one capturing the fury seen from man to man.
...is it just me, or does it feel like "Destiny" could be a substitute for Valkyria Chronicles battle music? If you ignore the subtle leitmotifs and give the brass a bit more presence, it just might work...
Hitoshi Sakimoto - "Battle"
Valkyria Chronicles Original Soundtrack
Speaking of Valkyria Chronicles, all this talk about Fire Emblem has me craving war and music. What better way to sate these cravings than a game that has both? Hehe.
"Battle" is one of the bigger pieces from Sega's amazing PlayStation 3 game, and I say this because the orchestra makes this track seem larger than any one person. In turn, the music heard escalates the scale of the battlefield itself - so much that you're almost inspired to join the war and aid the Gallians.
Simply close your eyes and picture yourself and some friends in a battlefield. It doesn't even matter what the location is - a beach landing akin to the Normandy landings, a trench system from the early 20th century, a smoking urban wreck choked up with gunsmoke, a forest half-blown away from artillery fire - the track just totes out a consistent dramatic tone and instills in you a sense of heroism no matter where you are. (For added realism, imagine machine gun fire, a cacophony of painful screams and panicked orders, and explosions popping off left and right.) And since Valkyria Chronicles is a strategy game, the soundtrack seemed fitting for today's entry as well.
Fire Emblem Awakening's Lunatic mode is one of the most painful things I've had to endure as of late. I liken the experience to a moment of sheer stupidity - one that, despite your best intentions and effort, ends in your suffering.
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| Something like that. |
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.Before we continue: neither Einstein nor Ben Franklin said this; the earliest known source is from a 1981 text made by Narcotics Anonymous. Stop misattributing clever quotes to make yourself look smart, world - you'll just look stupid.
Digression aside, this is a feeling that the majority of Awakening's gutsy players have experienced. Rather than taking on foes you can easily take down at the start, the game throws you metaphorical suicide pills. By this, I mean that the enemies you face in the first chapter can one-shot a majority of your party with little difficulty.
And I mean "little difficulty." In every Fire Emblem game, your party consists of the main character, a few of his buddies, and one "experienced" character who starts pre-promoted (that is, he's an advanced class and has higher stats to boot). Awakening gets this in the form of Frederick, a no-nonsense Great Knight who's become a bit of a memetic badass within the Awakening community. His fame, however, cannot shield him from getting two-shotted if you're not reading the battlefield. The enemies who normally did little-to-no damage to Frederick on Normal difficulty either get their strength or their equipment augmented in Lunatic mode, and that spells bad news for everyone.
With my foray into
Lunatic mode left me abused and violated... and for some reason, I want more.
Creepy comments aside, lemme explain what's following here. As mentioned earlier, I have a log on my cell phone that captures the collective thoughts and emotions felt by yours truly while attempting to conquer Lunatic mode. (I've dubbed the thing "LunaLog," but I must admit that "The Lunatic Diaries" sounds much more hilarious.) For your viewing (dis)pleasure, I decided to use it as the subject of today's entry so you can get a clear idea of what insanity can potentially look like (and so you can sort of see just how rough this game can get).
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| The memo application on my Blackberry is the second-most used thing on my phone. |
And without further ado, I present to you...
Part 1
AVATAR: "Razgriz"
M / Str+ / Def-
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As for the name? Well, if you know your Strangereal lore from the Ace Combat games, then the Demon of the North Sea should sound familiar...
PREMONITION: (20130505) Reset Count x0
- Feh, easy work.
- Go, Chrom & Razgriz!
PROLOGUE: (20130505) Reset Count x3
- First Turn Death (go, me)
- WHY did I move Lissa there!?
- Bad Chrom! No dying!
- geez, this is gonna take for-frakking-ever...
Oh, indeed, it is. Past me just doesn't know it yet...
CHAPTER 1: (20130505) Reset Count x5
- poor Def[ense] is starting to look like a BAAAAAD idea now...
- wait wat Frederick DIED!? WTF!?
- I thought Lunatic Mode = "Frederick Emblem" - stupid Risen
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| Yes, Frederick is that awesome. We're not kidding. Now if only we could actually do that... (Comic created by Matthew Taranto of Brawl in the Family.) |
- OH GODS THEY KEEP CLOSING IN
- HALP
- Chrom! I told you: "No dying!"
*le sigh* Let's try for Round 4...
- Sully! NO! *sobs*
- Healing for 1HP... I once considered that an expensive way to level up, but now I think it's paramount for survival...
- HAHAHAHA
- Frederick & Chrom + fort = success!
In-game, there are terrain modifiers that can aid a unit's stats. Forts add defense and boost your dodge, and they also heal whatever unit is inside by a set percentage of health. Needless to say they're a vital piece of terrain to place your units on.
- Hah! Hammer missed Frederick!
- this is getting tennnnnnnse...
- oh crap Lissa's gonna die...
- Frederick, DO NOT MISS. GOOD.
- 7 turns. Chrom & Frederick FTW
If you think this was bad, just keep reading.
CHAPTER 2: (20130506-0508) Reset Count x20
- GODSDAMMIT, CHROM! Don't catch death! STOP CATCHING DEATH! >_<
- okay, let's try this agai-
- AW HELL Miriel's in range of EVERYONE...
- aaaaaand of course she dies... along with Stahl and axeless Vaike
- BUT the Archest of Archers survives with 1HP... maybe I should use him in this run because of that?
- GodsDAMN these guys have ridiculous stats. How am I supposed to outrun/outmuscle their asses?
Most players cite this Chapter as the first true test of mettle. It separates the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, and the crazy from the pragmatic. It also begins to blur the line between skill and luck, as you'll sometimes be praying for that guy with the Killer Axe (a weapon that increases the odds of a critical hit) to miss in order for your paper-thin plan to succeed.
Also, Chrom seems to be a frakking death magnet. *sighs*
...aaaaand Chrom sleeps with the fishes
- I think I know why it's called "Lunatic Mode" - it certainly will drive one to lunacy
Virion, NOOO!
- oh, gee, THANKS FOR NOT HELPING, WENDY *frowny face =(
I asked my girlfriend Wendy to look at the battlefield after a reset and suggest any ideas I should try using. She took one look at the enemies on the map, handed my 3DS back to me, and wished me luck. *whimper*
- *le sigh* let's see how this round goes
- ... *cries* *resets*
- Frederick, move in! ... No, not there...!
- ...huh, that actually worked... FREDERICK EMBLEM!!1 *charges*
- Who knows? Maybe I'll get past turn two for once...
- Virion, NOOO! ...agaiiiiiin! *resets*
- OH EM GEE WHY DO I KEEP DYING?
- okay, this oughta work. Frederick goes in as bait, Sully and Stahl are my secondaries, and then I should survive - OH, COME ON. *angry reset*
- Awh, what happened!? Everything was going SO well! Why did you die, Chrom?
- FRAK! Sully, no! *reset*
- Holy SHIT! ...I finally got to Turn 3!
You would not believe how ecstatic I was to get to Turn 3. I was crying.
- ...somehow I knew my joy wouldn't last... *picks up Miriel's corpse and resets*
- *resets after Frederick dies* O.O ...t-that almost worked...! *does it again*
- *el gasp!* IT WORKED! 88 MILES PER HOU- er, I mean - FREDERICK EMBLEM!
- *blinks* Now how do I kill the bastards on the OTHER side of the map without dying?
- *deep breath* O-Okay... h-here goes... *nervous gulp as Frederick moves in*
- HAHAHAHA! GO, FREDERICK!
- *laughs and takes a picture* You said it, Chrom... you said it. *SAVES*
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| Frakking good riddance, indeed. |
CHAPTER 3: (20130508) Reset Count x3
- Okay, here goes! *charges in*
- GAH! Almost had it! *sobs over Frederick's corpse*
- don't die on me, Frederick!
- *rage reset*
- Frederick & Kellam = ?
- *blinks* FREDERICK EMBLEM!
- hahahahaha... HAHAHAHAHA! That's right, Raimi! You do, like, three damage to Frederick while I two-shot you! PREPARE TO DI- ......waaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiit a second.
- LISSA! FARM HEALING XP! *maniacal laughter*
- whoo that rocked!
No real notes on this chapter apart from having Sumia (AND NO ONE ELSE) join Chrom's forces. Also, farming healing experience is probably the only real way Lissa would get any experience in this difficulty... assuming anyone even survived the onslaught...
CHAPTER 4: (20130508) Reset Count x2
- the gladiator arena? Greaaaat...
- ...aaaaand Kellam dies. *resets*
- ...
- HaHAHAHA! Marth *almost* killed Kellam! Time for retaliation and VICTORY!
- ...that was... ...surprisingly easier than I expected it to be. Hey, "Marth," I thouight you were supposed to be a badass or something. Ya' sure fooled me...
I surprisingly did well on this one. Considering how you're on one side in a square arena with powerful enemies approaching from the other three sides, I think luck ended up being a factor here.
Afterwards, I decided to take a break from the story mode and decided to see if I could levelgrind the characters somehow. With DLC, it is entirely possible, but even then, you have problems. The DLC mission "The Golden Gaffe" is one example - a bunch of gold-looting monsters are running away, and for some reason Lissa and Frederick believe their life savings is part of the monsters' loot. As most thieves are, they're more concerned with escaping with their new treasures rather than attacking, so they only time they attack will be when you attack them.
And yet I've had to reset the game a few times because the monsters were stronger than my ragtag team! *sighs*
In due time, I was able to get some of these guys in (semi-)fighting condition, and I decided to press on. You'll see what happens in Part 2 and on... the next time I post "The Lunatic Diaries."
So, until the 'morrow, everyone! Hope you found this to be (slightly) hilarious!
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