A Toast to Lives, Old and New

To say that today's entry was going to be a swirling vortex of heartfelt string-plucking and geeky ridiculousness is a complete understatement.

The storyboard says Starbuck flies into this maelstrom as the camera flies head-on into her Viper. That's what you'll be doing as well today - metaphorically speaking, at least.

To say that today's entry is going to be waxing pseudo-philosophy in regards to friendships and gaming... yeah, that sums it up quite nicely, I'd say. Don't take my word for it, though - read on and see for yourself.





CURRENT MUSIC:
Halestorm - "Here's to Us"
The Strange Case Of...

Those of you who are Halestorm fans like me probably went to their local store to pick up The Strange Case Of... back in April. Initially, I only had exposure to one song from their sophomore album ("Rock Show"), so I was pretty excited to listen to the whole album one day while doing nothing so I could enjoy their sound.

Now, I had expected hard rock awesomeness to play throughout the 41-minute album, and I totally called it. While I've already featured two of its songs on this blog ("Rock Show" on April 10 and "American Boys" on August 13, respectively), there's something about "Here's to Us" that warrants me to feature it on here - even more so than the other two songs.

As the last track of The Strange Case Of..., "Here's to Us" has the job of closing out the album with a sound that completes the listening experience. (Fun fact: "Here's to Us" is the album's second-shortest track - and Halestorm's third-shortest thus far.) It's a fun challenge for the last track - it's gotta bring us back to reality, close the album in a manner that the band would normally perform, and at the same time be something that the listener will enjoy and maybe look forward to when they replay the whole album.

To say that Halestorm made sure this last track did its job and left would be a complete understatement. Rather, they went out of their way to turn the closing experience into an anthem to remember and sing whenever the times call for it. Composed as a "toast" of a song, "Here's to Us" commemorates the experience of remembering our lives - all the good, all the bad, and everything in-between. The song tells the listener: "let's give em hell / wish everybody well" - and honestly, that's a pretty good (and fun) message to have the album close with.

With bands and their live performances, there's at least one song in their set list that deserves a crowd-only moment. You know what I'm talking about (I'm not sure if there's an official name for this phenomenon) - that moment where the instruments go silent as the crowd picks up the slack and uses the oldest instrument in existence to bring the song to life. If I had to select that song for a Halestorm concert, "Here's to Us" would be that song. If its anthemic sound doesn't convince you, then just imagine a group of people having a toast while singing this.

If you still disagree, then I'm just going to do what Lzzy told me and say: "Go frak yourself." =P


Bear McCreary - "Mandala in the Clouds"
Battlestar Galactica: Season 3 Original Soundtrack

(Author's Note: This particular music entry is pretty damn long. I don't apologize for the length of time I spend delving here. I was rather inspired by this amazing track, and if you keep reading on (or better yet: give it a listen while you do), you might also find yourself inspired as well. But if you insist on being a lamer and skipping it all, click here.)

When you give tension a traditional orchestra, you'll end up with something from your typical film/game/television score. However, when you decide that "typical" isn't part of your game plan, then you begin to improvise and go with something else that captures the tension of combat in a unique and memorable way.

The score of Battlestar Galactica definitely did that quite well, and this particular season 3 piece (featured in the episode "Maelstrom") did even more than that. It delivered the tension necessary for a combat scene, but it also did something I rarely hear in combat music: it aurally conveyed the chaos and confusion combat brings with it.

The way that "Mandala in the Clouds" opens definitely makes it feel like a combat sequence in a movie or game cutscene. Opening with a lone yaylı tanbur's low notes, the Turkish instrument begins to wail a melody of impending doom right before the taiko crash into the scene. The taiko begin to layer themselves as the piece progresses, taking the action to a whole 'nother level as they suddenly slow down to heighten the tension. At this time the tanbur comes back, backed up by a traditional string section as if to say the strings were pushing back.

For a moment, the taiko cease to beat as the strings take over. The taiko begin to pulse again and then right when the tanbur joins in, the whole string section whirlpools downward in chaotic confusion as the taiko freeze in confusion. Some strings (accompanied by a taiko) regain control and begin to bring the tension levels back up, when out of nowhere pops in an equally-confusing zurna. The jolting presence of this sudden solo seems to drive the madness already present in the piece even further into our minds - almost as if to make you insane.

All the while, the taiko beat even harder and faster than they were before. The strings join in the fight one more time, accompanied by the zurna as the piece ends... and then just when you thought the musical chaos ended, all the instruments play out one last bit of confusing aural chaos and bring "Mandala in the Clouds" to its crashing conclusion.

If you thought that the above description of "Mandala in the Clouds" was a bit dizzying, just take a look at the crazy storm Starbuck dived into.
(And I don't mean that in just the physical sense.)

Confused about the last three paragraphs and its rather jumbled format? Well, two things:

1. It's not jumbled. Listen to the piece and you'll see that.
2. That's the whole point of this track - at least in my book.

So, before I continue, here's the TL;DR for you lamers: "Mandala in the Clouds" brings the terms "confusion" and "chaos" to a well-constructed musical piece meant for combat. Now that that's out of the way, let me explain how this particular piece applies to both Battlestar Galactica and my life at this moment. (Warning: potential spoilers ahead.)

During the events of "Maelstrom," Galactica is patrolling a gas planet that the Fleet is using to hide in and refuel. While flying on a combat air patrol, Starbuck spots a Cylon Heavy Raider and begins pursuit. However, for some odd reason, nobody else can seem to see it, either on DRADIS or with visual contact. Starbuck swears that there was a Heavy Raider there the whole time, but nobody buys it. Throughout the episode, there's confusion and doubt there (both in-universe with most of Galactica's personnel and - cleverly enough - with the audience), and it only seems to drive Starbuck to the deep end.

In my life, there's not much going on that could (metaphorically) replicate the aspects of combat. That's not to say that it hasn't been confusing and almost chaotic, however. As I've finally settled myself in and gotten used to the monotony of being back at work, I couldn't help but feel some ominous tension out there - a malevolent aura of darkness. Call me crazy (please don't), but I'm pretty sure that this dim aura I feel encroaching towards me (nay, towards us) is the dread of retail's fourth quarter.

At the same time, however, I feel some other entity ominously biding its time. (This is where you can call me crazy.) It's calculated the perfect time to strike, but it'll wait for the precise moment where it can inflict a massive amount of confusion to an already chaotic situation. It's not going to be in the retail world, and it's not going to be during this supposed apocalypse set to occur at the end of this year. It's somewhere else in my life - and for some reason, I have reason to believe that it's soon. Considering my less-than-stellar position in life, the universe, and everything, I'm surprised that life hasn't flown into left field yet.

Now to bring all of this full-circle in my own stylized mandala. The confusion that this Heavy Raider brings Starbuck? The impending dread that's seemingly haunting me? They brought both of us to a point where we began to understand ourselves and our place in the universe (a bit) better than we originally did. Of course, in order to get there, we had to do some fighting somewhere (Starbuck in her Viper Mk. II and me in my psyche). And maybe that's why Bear McCreary titled this track as he did - not just to mention the circular storm that we see Starbuck fly into, but to remind us that getting to understand ourselves a bit more than we already do is never an easy task.

Anyway, enough of me waxing amateur philosophical - let's bring this lengthy description to a close. If you want an action piece, "Mandala in the Clouds" does the job quite well and then some. Thundering its way into your ears, this track will definitely get your blood pumping if you have this set as background music while you do things. (Amateur) Filmographers: try this piece out for your (home) movies. While it may sound perfect for any combat scene set in the Middle East or India, I can assure you that its pulsing rhythm will rock its way into any environment perfectly well.



"I have no respect for people who deliberately try to be weird to attract attention, but if that's who you honestly are, you shouldn't try to 'normalize yourself.'"
- Alicia Witt

In the past, I often found myself trying to get people to accept me. This was especially true of my high school days, but let's face it: getting accepted - that's what everyone was trying to do. Oftentimes I'd do something memorably ridiculous (half the time it was something most people would regard as "stupid") just to see what people would say, and usually it attracted a bit of guile and false approval.

Nowadays, I've come to accept that I am not as normal as society "demands" of us. That's okay - not because "not being normal is the new normal," but because I chose to be who I am and didn't give a flying frak about what anyone else thought of it. I figured, "If anyone's going to like me for being me, then they're pretty damn cool themselves." So as such, I'm still who I am: a somewhat-eccentric, nerdy jerkass with a heart of gold. And surprisingly enough, I still have people out there who respect me. They don't hang on to every last word I say (I never said they had to), but they will give me a listen if I ever ask of them to do so.

Hence, why this personal blog of mine is so unapologetic of my antics, misgivings, rantings, and all-around chaotic neutrality (though I'd probably say I'm more neutral good). Being yourself is always a plus, people. If you ever have problems trying to make friends, then stop trying. Sit back, relax, and do things the way you do things. I guarantee that somewhere along the line, someone will walk by and notice you the way you want to be noticed.





Good day, everypony! Welcome to August 25, and welcome to a fun and (hopefully) exciting entry on The White Knight Chronicles!

Before we begin, I would like to tell everyone that this entry was composed with the following:

1. a less-than-comfortable five hours' worth of sleep
2. the sudden urge to attempt an all-nighter of some kind
3. the constant blaring of taiko after leaving work ("Mandala in the Clouds," anyone?)
4. some confusion in regards to figuring out what it is I want to say
5. the urge to post something of high quality on here (for once), and
6. iced tea and the resulting caffeine spike that I forgot to prepare for.

Now that you know what it took to make this entry, we can begin.





An Old New Life
(Or should it be "A New Old Life?" Hrm. Decisions, decisions...)

If the past few weeks have been any kind of an indicator, then it's been far apparent that I've found myself in a kind of rut in life. Most days now: I wake up, do whatever errands or "errands" I have to do, (try to) write something for my blog, go to work and work, go home, (play video games,) and sleep. On my off days I do what I can to socialize and hang out with people, but every once in a while the cards never play out the way I expect them to. (That's not to say that I don't enjoy my days off or the people I choose to be with that day.) Suffice to say: life's been pretty much the same for me every frakking day now. It's honestly getting a little tiring.

(Author's Note: Did the majority of this paragraph look familiar? Sounds like an "Elegiac Repetition" to me, doesn't it? (Also, did you see what I did there? =P))

For those of you who read the author's note, I did indeed copy a paragraph off of my August 6 entry. I was wondering what it was that was weighing my life and outlook a bit down lately, and every time I have a self-debate to figure out the reason behind this minor bout of melancholy, I keep coming back to that entry.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders act out how my life has looked liked (or rather, how apathetic I've been).

In a way, I think I'm right with how monotonous this "routine" of mine has become, but at the same time I can't help but blame myself. (Mind you, this isn't a case of "ooh, Josh is beating himself up yet again" - it's more of a "Josh is owning up to this and wants to change it around" scenario.) I've allowed my life to become a trudging chore and a waste. I've often asked myself why I let this go as far as it has, and up to this point, I didn't have an answer.

I think I have one now.

As I was mulling things over last night, I remembered hearing something from Battlestar Galactica. Now, for spoiler reasons, I won't say who the quote is by, but I'll tell you it's from the season 2 episode "Downloaded" (now you can't complain if you suddenly spoil yourself).

"Life is short, but the next one's not.
Let your heart adrift, and your soul will get caught.
Believe the lies, ignore the truth.
Listen to me, I will show you the proof.
Speak from your heart; say the things you know to be true."

I know what you're probably thinking: it almost looks poetic. Indeed it does - which is why I had it quoted and typed out here as such. It also helps that I have a bit of an eye for things poetic - and like most poets, I can see that the average human is drawn in to things that rhyme. (They're also drawn in to things that don't rhyme, but that takes some skill and an open mind to digest.)

So as I sat there trying to make sense of everything, I came to a realization that I haven't been exactly living. Mind you, I've done my best to improve the entertainment value I get out of my life. What I mean is that I haven't exactly lived. Yes, that sounds confusing as all hell. Now lemme explain myself.

Thinking like this might in itself be quite dangerous, but it has to be done.

I've always seen myself as a bit of a hedonist. I enjoy what makes me feel happy and I seldom venture to any activity that would cause me to feel anything otherwise.

This in turn has caused me to be lazy when it comes to endeavors that cause me some kind of pain or "pain." What kinds of endeavors, you ask? Examples would include:

• anything involving (serious) work
• balancing my finances properly
• cooking a large meal for myself
• dealing with stress
• everything else I forgot to mention

Younger me would have loved to blame this on things like "apathy," "laziness," "upbringing," or "how craptastic life is." However, I think I know better. - it's gotta be on the lines of "fear."

That theory might surprise you. (Hell, it's surprising me.) A four-letter-word like that carries with it a powerful connotation to it. So, in order to use it properly, I need to explain what it is I'm afraid of. I say "fear" not because of the fact that a decent amount of the things around the world scare me (don't get me started on my acute aquaphobia). I say "fear" in regards of me not willing to take a step out of my comfort zones... me not willing to risk something new.

Of course, what is there that could be considered "new" in my life? I've done lots of things already in the past, so there's not much I could consider as "new." Rather, I've let all these things degrade to the point where we know that it's no longer able to be considered as new. Things like trying to hang out with everypony as much as I can. Trying to work as much as I can so I can earn as much money as I can so I can pay my bills and still have enough to spend it on what I can. Trying to keep my writing "career" (if we could even call it that) in my life so I can write as much as I can. Doing the ultimate challenge by balancing work and play as much as I can (with extreme leaning and bias towards "play") so I can live life as fully as I can.

Of course, how much of that have I done? I haven't been able to hang out with my friends as much as I'd like to. I haven't gotten as far in life as I'd like to. Moreover, I'm not that happy with myself (even though I know I'm still content with life as it is right now). It almost feels as if I've gotten lazy with myself... and now I'm paying the price by typing out this (potentially) confusing self-rant and stressing out a bit.

Yay, stage one hypertension. </sarcasm>

Honestly, I think this post has been a long time coming. It was only a matter of time before I came across this life "problem" of an iceberg and ran the risk of hitting it with a bazillion regrets. The only reason this iceberg finally decided to surface (or at least show up on my conscious radar) was... well, actually, I think it's two reasons.

1. "Elegiac Repetition" may have been a trigger, but I was pretty sure I was in a rut of some kind that I needed to get out of. Badly.
2. The whole "me (potentially) having stage one hypertension" kind of disturbed me.

Something told me to change myself today... and something wanted me to see if I could turn something around. Now, there's not much to do that with, so I figured I'd try something "small."

It's been a while since I've done anything that could have me be considered as a true "social butterfly." While I do a lot of things with a lot of people, it's usually just centered around work friends or the current group of high school friends I still talk to. I've rarely done anything with people who've left work or high school friends who've I've lost contact with. (Hell, I haven't even talked to some of them!) All I do on Facebook now is just lurk and lurk, and I'm frankly a tad disappointed with myself for not trying to maintain contact with the people I once called "friends." (Y'all still are - I'm just not an awesome friend. =/)

So maybe I should do something about that... maybe I should try to be a better social butterfly of a friend and totally stay in contact and what not. Maybe I should be more proactive with planning events, doing everything in my power to hang out with people whenever the opportunity arises, and enjoying this one life we all have. (No, I'm not going to say that frakking "YOLO" shit - those idiots don't know what "carpe diem" means.)

There's a Latin phrase out there that this reminds me of: memento mori. A common translation equates it to "remember that you are mortal" - and after seeing my blood pressure and realizing how much of a "friend" I've been to some of you, I was reminded of that. Should I suddenly die for whatever reason, I'd want to be remembered as a good person - as someone who enjoyed life and took the time to enjoy it with others. In my current situation I could be stated as doing such, but not with everypony. Not as much as I'd like to, at least.

*raises a glass of champagne* As such, I think I'm just taking this time to say the TL;DR of this whole spiel: I need to be a better friend (and hang out more). I need to live a better life than I am right now.

Now, to some people, this entry might look as if I just made a life-changing decision to not change my life at all. To that I say: "True story." To some other people, they may scoff at this and think that I won't change. This is true to a point. Not many people have the ability to go through a drastic life makeover overnight, and those that do seldom do it unscathed. But I'm tempted to see if I can turn myself around over time and become someone everyone respects and loves.

Champagne, cider, beer, water... no matter your drink, it's time for a toast, methinks!

So to close this section out, let me go ahead and quote Halestorm one last time:

Here's to us, here's to love,
All the times that we fucked up
Here's to you, fill the glass
'Cause the last few days have kicked my ass
So let's give 'em hell, wish everybody well
Here's to us, here's to us

Everypony: to the future and to each other! May we be better friends than we are now!

*downs the champagne* Mmm... crispy.





New Role-Playing
(This can be considered a new life in a way. I'm breathing life into a new character, right?)

So after some talking with one of my friends, I figured I'd get myself back into the whole role-playing business that can be found in World of Warcraft's RP-PvP server of Ravenholdt.

Erfrischen in her very awesome set of roleplaying gear.

It's been a while since I've done anything of the sort (I wanna say at least 1.5 years), so as such, it's going to be a rusty experience for the first few sessions. However, I'm willing to re-learn and re-adapt to things, and hopefully I'll be able to make some new online friends in the process.

So, to help you make any sense of all this, I decided to formulate a pseudo-Q&A panel here to get the most information out of me as possible. Enjoy it!


Q: So you're using Erfrischen to role-play?
A: Yep. She's the only one I have some kind of plan for currently. Had this been set up Horde-side, that's where Chariselle would have come in. Gefallen is still on Tichondrius, so until the day comes where I decide to transfer him off, there's not much else to choose from.


Q: Dude, Erfrischen's a girl. You DO realize this, right?
A: I do realize Erfie's a girl, and frankly: I don't care. I've met plenty of RPers who've acted out characters that're opposite of their actual genders (and yes, there are female World of Warcraft players who roleplay) and nopony seems to mind at all. It only starts getting weird when the players decide to roleplay some... erotic things. Then it gets awkward. Of course, I don't do erotic role play. That's just weird.

Anyway, back to the question at hand. I've role-played a woman before and so have some of my friends. It's not something to be particularly proud of, but at the same time it's not something to be ashamed of, either. As someone who enjoys a taste for the theatrical, it's no surprise that I would experiment and attempt to play the opposite gender. It helps for role-play exercises (both RL and in-game) when the other gender isn't available, and it also encourages character development. Since I obviously have no experience in being a woman, it helps me ask myself how my character would feel in this scenario. As a guy, I would be "X," but since Chari/Erfie are ladies, they'd probably react like "Y."


Q: You didn't change your name when you transferred Erfrischen?
A: No. The name wasn't taken on Ravenholdt. Hell, the name wasn't taken on any server whatsoever. As such, the name changing option that's sometimes available during realm transfers never popped up.

This was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I'd be easy to find and look up in the event I'm needed for some tanking mission. Conversely, it seems weird to refer to my character as "Erfrischen" during a role-playing exercise.


Q: So did you come up with a new name for her, then?
A: *flat look* You're asking a guy who has a list set aside for potential names of his future children. Of COURSE I came up with a name for Erfie. Obviously, players will refer to me out-of-character as Josh or Erfrischen, but when I'm role-playing, they'll have to use a different name. And while I'm at it: rank.

Detective-Corporal Allisenna Gloucester-Bellitz Novelli. (Dibs on the rights to this name.)

When I roleplay, I tend to imagine that there's two of me there at the same time. Real me (real Gaius Baltar) sits on the left, wondering what to do in the current scenario. Character me (virtual Gaius Baltar) sits on the right, cool, calculated, and more of a prepared badass than I am.

Q: What's the personality you'll be using for Allisenna? Will it be different than Chariselle's?
A: That's the idea I'm trying to pull here. When I role-played as Chari, she was this chaotic-good Blood Knight working for a mercenary guild. Occasionally, she'd provide support for the Horde by leading a sort-of aggressor unit. Role-play-wise, it made sense - as the Blood Knights are paladins in everything but name and mission, why not feature a Horde unit where the soldiers act like Alliance paladins?

With Erfie Allisenna, this had to change. Not only would playing the same role be bland, but it would be costly. (It's much easier to obtain Alliance-esque plate mail than it is Horde-esque.) Also, I wanted to work on developing a personality of her own. As mentioned before, Chari was played as chaotic-good, and all I had to do was tap into my own personality for a bit and apply more feminine tomboy traits. Simple as pie Allisenna will be interesting in that I'm going to attempt to play her as a lawful-good or neutral-good cop - someone who's more by-the-book and no-nonsense than I could ever hope to be in real-life.

It's difficult, but hey - it's a challenge. And I like a good challenge once in a while. =D


Q: "Detective-Corporal?" What; is she some kind of cop or something?
A: You betcha. I can't imagine Allie working in military intelligence (besides, that would often require the RPer to be playing a Hunter or Rogue - two classes more adept at being spies and scouts), so I figured I'd go for some kind of "civilian" version of policing. There's already a guild on Ravenholdt that roleplay as Stormwind's royal guard, but I don't think there's anyone who's role-played as a freshly-graduated detective.

That would be interesting, and after a few brainstorming ideas with my friends, I came up with some ideas to further flesh out this idea of mine. Two of my friends' characters operate an illegally-obtained ship used for piracy (yes, the actual kind) while fronting themselves as mercenary smugglers under the "employ" of the Alliance. Allie's first investigative assignment? Infiltrate said smuggling business.

Once she's 85, Allisenna will be totally down to role-play. That is, if she ever finds her way out of Vashj'ir first...

Q: Should we expect silly stories of your RP experiences with Erfie Allie?
A: Damn right you will! =D


Yeah, so that's that. I'll be working on Allisenna's story and her leveling whenever I get a chance to play World of Warcraft, so if role-playing is your thing, keep an eye out on here for any updates in regards to my Human Paladin!

Oh, and before I end this segment, I'd thought I'd showcase something my friend texted me after I told him Allie's full name.

I'm a meme! (Not really.)

No kidding. I'll show you RP. I'm damn fun with it, and I'll prove it if you don't believe me.





Well, that's going to be it for today. I know it's been a long entry, but it's been a great one, I'd say. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some role-playing and character histories to develop before I head in to work tonight.

I will catch y'all some time in the near future, I hope. Until the 'morrow, everypony!