Snuffing Self-Doubt, Artist-Style

Discovering who I am and what I've done to get myself where I currently am at seems to be my biggest trend these days.
Naturally, one can assume that a decent entry will contain some amount of "facts" I've discovered about myself.

So, three guesses as to what today's entry will discuss. ("Wine, women and song" would be incorrect - although hedonism would be an interesting topic to discuss...)





CURRENT MUSIC:
Halestorm - "Familiar Taste of Poison"
Halestorm

You might remember that short story I touted off back on Saturday's blog when I mentioned that I was listening to "I Get Off."

Well, as my friends were getting to our seats to prep ourselves to listen to the Uproar Festival's headliners (Avenged Sevenfold and Disturbed), Halestorm was already playing, and as far as I knew, none of us had ever heard of 'em. They were in the middle of "Familiar Taste of Poison," which has since been etched into my mind as one of my favorite songs. The crowd loved them, and as I kept listening, so did I.

My take on the lyrics is... well, let's call it "interesting." As a man* who's had enough experience with unrequited love (if I could even call it that), I felt that the singer was talking to their would-be love, accepting the fact that while they wouldn't work out for some metaphorically-poisonous reason, the singer can't help but stay around their crush, taking the poison into themselves anyway.

Consequently, it's my top-played Halestorm song and one of the songs that's had considerable playtime on WinAmp** - after all, I felt a bit of attachment while Lzzy was singing this live.


Rihanna - "S&M"
Loud

While I've said before that I prefer alternate rock, I'm not one to tarry away from a song just because of its genre.

At first glance, "S&M" seems to just be referring to bedroom dominance and submission, but after listening to it a few times, I had the notion that Rihanna wasn't referring to sexual sadism and masochism...

I found "S&M" to be fitting with today's current train of thought. That, and I thought it to be a catchy song that could be used for... stuff.*** Like the theme song for some badass girl in a movie's behind-the-scenes interview with said character's actress, or for a workout session - that bass line just pumps energy into you, I swear.


Hajime Wakai - "Zoness"
Star Fox 64 Original Soundtrack

Star Fox 64 has got to be one of the greatest games the Nintendo 64 had for it.
I miss my copy of the game dearly (my N64 is not with me), but when its 3DS remake shows up over the summer, I'll be playing it non-stop.

Anyway, to "Zoness." The track is named after the planet the piece plays in - an aquatic resort world mired and plagued by the military industrial pollution that Andross' forces have let loose upon the seas. The music literally chimes in the hint that Zoness was once a beautiful planet before giving way to the synthesized orchestra that invades and devastates the sounds of tranquility the music once provided.

Interesting. Now I feel like playing Star Fox 64 now... *sniff*


* = "What is a man?" Well, aside from "a miserable pile of secrets," I don't honestly know.

** = As of this moment, "Familiar Taste of Poison" is reported to be sixth in my most-played songs with 55 playthroughs. The only artist that trumps Halestorm in this regard would be Muse, with the songs "Uprising" (103), "Undisclosed Desires" (81), "New Born" (76), "Feeling Good" (67) and "Hysteria" (57) above "Familiar Taste of Poison."

***= No, I wasn't going to say "sex." I wasn't going to say "street racing" "nighttime driving," either! Honest! *shifty eyes*



"Life can't ever really defeat a writer who is in love with writing, for life itself is a writer's lover until death - fascinating, cruel, lavish, warm, cold, treacherous, constant."
- Edna Ferber

Quite true. I can't help but be drawn to writing - she's a cruel and paradoxically loving mistress that creative types like myself just can't seem to stop dreaming of. EVER. All artists can and probably will agree with Edna Ferber and me, because their own primary form of artistic creativity has probably claimed them in the same way.

(Apologies to my future wife if you're (ever) reading this - by now you've probably learned that when I have my muse anchored down and I'm on the keyboard, there's little that'll stop me when I'm in a writing frenzy.)





Good night, readers. Today's entry was brought to you by a self-made request to find out what's been blocking me from regaining my true writing talent.

That, and two orange-topped Shock Tops. I'm still testing that whole "drunk writer" theory*, and so far with a set of lowered inhibitions, I think I'll find it somewhat easier to write.

* = It is said that a writer who isn't drunk isn't writing. While I'm only "tipsy" at the time this entry was written (my friends haven't attempted to discover what "drunk Josh" looks like yet), it helps. Like I said, alcohol lowers inhibitions. Proof of this is commonly seen in sex-based scenarios (no wonder the depraved and desperate people of the world are forced to buy drinks to score), but to the writing world, alcohol helps in a way that motivation can't. After all, motivation doesn't stop a self-criticizing writer from editing every other sentence every six seconds...



A few weeks ago it was found that I was suffering from an unsightly case of burn-out. While I've yet to trace the sources of it, I can tell that exhaustion was a key factor (as well as a key symptom) in why I haven't written anything of late.

It had to stem from somewhere. I had no idea where (still don't have a clue), but I see a few leads. Out of these sub-theories, one word came to mind: self-doubt. I think that's what's been stopping me lately.*

I've mentioned the existence of an "artist's curse" - that we are our own worst critics. Normally, an artist runs into this hex during two stages in different dosages:

1. The beginning of an artistic project - that in-between phase where they're transitioning from an idea to a skeleton framework of the finished project, and
2. The ending phases, where the project is completed and they've yet to cast off their creation to the world... or agent/editor.

However, in certain cases the artist in question ends up becoming overwhelmed with thoughts that pertain to failure - failure to make it as an artist, failure to finish the work, failure at being a person. This self-doubt is a very potent poison that can afflict the artist with an uncharacteristic sense of fear. This fear in turn makes the artist delusional - it turns what used to be a not-so-challenging task into a long trek that rivals a climb up Mount Everest.

Obviously I've let the fear that self-doubt gave me control my literary actions. As such, it's effectively shut down any creative flow that I could've contributed in the past few years.



The scary thing I noticed is that I subconsciously enjoy this perpetual cycle. While I keep running away from it, I can't help but enjoy the monotony it gives me. It just lets me relax without a care, and when I do realize that I've been wasting time, it just draws me back to its deceitful comfort zone. (Me placing "S&M" on repeat should make more sense to you now, huh?)



So, how to combat (artistic) self-doubt? That will vary from artist to artist, but some ideas out there have some amount of effectiveness for everyone. If you're a creative-type like me and you find yourself mired by some sort of self-doubt, here's what I've been trying to do that I have found to work:

• Tell yourself optimistic things.
  While this sounds like something a placebo-user would use, it applies to anyone and everyone. It's called "self-doubt" for a reason, after all. By reaffirming that you can work on your project, you end up severing the cord to your worst critic.
  
• Find an artist friend of yours (preferably one who's also in some kind of rut) to pair up with as motivational and artistic partners.
  Sometimes telling yourself positive things isn't good enough - you need an outsider's voice to confirm that. Like-minded individuals are usually drawn to each other - artists included. And odds are that said artists will be losing a staring contest against their current Mount Everest. Contribute ideas, beta-read, become a second voice for their work, judge without malicious intent, lend an ear - whatever you feel like doing for them, do it. They in turn will end up helping you as well. And whenever either of you start thinking "I can't do it" or "This is impossible," slap some sense in (Please slap metaphorically.)
  
• Send out your unfinished work to random people.
  This may seem counter-productive and insane (especially to people with severe amounts of self-doubt), but in the right circumstances it can be the driving edge to getting oneself back on track. A true outsider's opinion can end up being the words that gets someone going - if not for the end results, then at least for the outsider who instilled in the artist a renewed sense of hope.
  
• Don't listen to yourself - especially if you're a "Negative Nancy."
  The last suggestion here is probably the one the expert artists employ the most. Rather than listen and agree to the self-doubt you've subconsciously seeded on yourself, yell at that annoying voice in your head and tell them to fuck off. You'll thank yourself later.
  

I'm sure there's more ideas, but that's all I could come up with. Feel free to use your own ideas or someone else's in the event that these don't work for you. (Heck, if you're brave enough, leave your ideas here as a comment.)



* = Yes, there's probably more reasons. Let's just keep the focus on self-doubt for tonight...



So, I hope this has been an entertaining and/or educational post for you. It has been for me - I've been meaning to rant about self-doubt for a while now.

Until the 'morrow, everyone!