For me, I had one of those days a few days back - roughly around the time I said I'd post something good. I decided to show you a brief preview of it (mostly because I'm still far from done - I keep scrapping every version I go through) on here, so... here, some fanfiction stuff!
What? Not what you were expecting? Sorry; I tend to be like that.
Anyway, for those of you who're aware of my status as a fanfiction writer, you probably know of that Street Fighter fic I wrote over two years ago called Unincorporated. I've talked about it a few times before and even attempted to work on it when I was doing "Operation: DREAM EATER" back last summer. (We all know how that went.)
Without warning one day recently some inspiration hit me that made me actually work on a new chapter, and I began writing again. I have a plot and everything set up, so all I have to do is write what happens and weave the humor in.
For those of you too lazy to read the prologue of Unincorporated (shame): the cast of the Street Fighter series - or some of them - set up a new unincorporated town in southern California. Hilarity ensues as they go through their first challenge: appointing a mayor. As with most humor fanfiction, the characters portrayed in the story are somewhat out of character, somewhat flanderized, and fully aware that they're just fictional characters.
What follows below is a preview of what I've worked on. Obviously there's more, but I didn't feel like sharing.
Enjoy it anyway! I'll see y'all on the 'morrow!
DISCLAIMER: Capcom owns the Street Fighter franchise. Blizzard owns the MMORPG World of Warcraft. Anything else that looks like it ain't mine... probably ain't. *sigh* Oh, and I have this fic rated as "M" on FanFiction.net due to a lot of language. Just warning those of you with virgin eyes.
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Unincorporated
CHAPTER ONE:
"The Cases of Cammy's Missing Kittens and Bison's Ninja'd Guild!"
It's been a week since the events of Chapter 00, and the unincorporated town has grown into a nice-looking full-fledged town of sorts.
In reality, since it's been over a year since the author worked on this story, the author decided to be lazy and give a short summary about the current cast and what they decided to do in this town instead of write about it.
Ryu ended up opening a martial arts dojo, calling it "Furinkazan." Currently, he has no idea as to how he'd get membership, but he's not worried about that at the moment.
Ken Masters, who had no idea as to what to do, decided to open an auto shop. Ryu's keyed rent-a-car is currently sitting inside the shop, and for some reason Ken is claiming that the transmission belt is all torn up, even though the rent-a-car was working perfectly…
Blanka, who was surprisingly voted as Mayor, decided to create a city library (that nobody frequents) and a public park (complete with kiddie playground, much to Gen's pleasure), and recently passed a bill authorizing the creation of a town militia.
Guile is in charge of said militia, and also runs the newly-made city airport. The airport only has six vehicles parked in the hangars: two F-16C Falcons, a C-5 Galaxy (which for some reason has a hole in the left wing – Ken constantly denies Shoryukenning it), Fei-Long's private jet that most everyone who didn't drive to town rode in on, Guile's "custom anti-terrorism patrol car" (in reality a Ford F250 technical with a Browning M2 machine gun mounted on the flatbed and an American flag paint scheme), and Akuma's beat-up Toyota, which for some reason is on bricks.
Sagat, recently appointed Lieutenant Mayor on the last chapter, hasn't done much aside from vetoing an "'I Hate Eyepatches' day" bill. To entertain himself, he drops by Furinkazan every now and then and spars with Ryu whenever the dojo's open.
Edmond Honda has had success with his catering business Hondatakimasu. So far he's catered Blanka's and Sagat's victory parties and Bison's first weekly World of Warcraft raid meeting.
Chun-Li decided on creating a clothing and costume store, calling it "Spring Beauty." She is also part of the militia, acting as the liason between their little town and Interpol.
Cammy is also part of the militia, getting a squad car with pictures of cats splattered all over it (pejoratively dubbed the "Catmobile"). Blanka, who liked Chun-Li's idea of making an animal shelter, passed a bill to get one made. We can all guess where the British special forces soldier spends her off-time that isn't spent on sleeping…
Zangief is a part-time volunteer at the animal shelter, who had an idea of also making it a town zoo. He runs the "exotic animals" wing, which contains a trio of intelligent polar bears and, for some strange reason, a lot of gym equipment.
Dhalsim has had limited success with his "Yoga Fire" psychotherapy clinic. Guile has been the only patient admitted thus far, and Dhalsim has had no success in convincing the American that Charlie is, in fact, dead.
Balrog currently remains unemployed. Apparently he has a lot of fight money saved up. Every once in a while he visits the exotic animals wing at the shelter and uses the gym equipment (so long as the polar bears aren't using it all already).
M. Bison, despite harboring intense hatred for Rose, joined up with her and created the town television network and its news station "Psycho-Soul News Network." When not on the set bickering about news, he's off running Shadaloo and scheming about taking over the world.
Rose is a co-anchor on Psycho-Soul and can be dubbed as the "comic foil" of the show (constantly attempting to thwart Bison's comical actions of not caring about the news or wanting to promote Shadaloo). During some of her off-time she works at Spring Beauty, hoping to find clothing and – more importantly – scarves.
Vega has crowned himself the "Town Fashion Style Specialist" and aptly refuses to shop at Spring Beauty. After hearing how his boss created a television station, he enlisted in the ranks and scored a two-hour timeslot where he hosts a talk show titled "¡Vega!" Due to his flamboyant narcissism, he barely gets any viewers (Balrog, being unemployed, is bored enough to tune in).
Fei-Long, being the actor he is, is usually on television specials, and is one of two guests Vega is able to get on his show. It could be out of pity, or it could be because he's bored, but Fei-Long refuses to give out any statements.
Sakura Kasugano is more often than not the second guest on ¡Vega!, having nothing to do aside from being a part-time worker at Spring Beauty. Chun-Li has thoughts of firing her, though – being clumsy does have its disadvantages on the job…
Dan Hibiki wanted to keep promoting his Saikyo style, and decided to open up the Saikyo Dojo. Unfortunately, his only student Sakura has frequently ditched lessons only to go next door to Furinkazan and ogle at Ryu.
Akuma, keeping his word, opened an Akumart and prides himself as the only store in town other than Spring Beauty. As such, he's taken it upon himself to monopolize the economy (minus clothing and costumes, which he allowed Chun-Li to control) and has sometimes-outlandish prices for even the most basic of objects (Ryu filed a complaint when a loaf of wheat bread rose up to $10 USD – Akuma laughed and doubled the price to the now-standard $20 per loaf). Occasionally, Dan comes in to shoplift, and Akuma has thwarted him every single time.
Gen is Akuma's only clerk in Akumart. Unfortunately his eccentricity still kicks in while on-the-job, but Akuma pays it no mind. When not working he's busy tending to the town's flora, ganking World of Warcraft newbies with his Rogue, or just doing something weird.
Now that that's out of the way…
One morning, one week later after the events of Chapter 00…
Zangief was busy tending to the polar bear trio in the animal shelter, feeding the two smaller bears and staring down the third, giant one. "Comrade Joseph," he began lecturing. "How many time I tell you: 100 kilogram barbell for Master Zangief, NOT chewtoy for Joseph!"
A growl was heard from the large animal, followed by what sounded like an annoyed gargle.
"It not my fault you hungry all day and night! Maybe you be like Leon and Lenin here and get food first instead of fighting with Red Cyclone." He pointed at the two smaller bears, who were busy chowing on food.
Another protesting growl. This one sounded a bit sadder than usual.
"Because you strongest of three! Hunger build character and drive to prove – "
An ear-piercing "AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!" filled the air, interrupting the argument between the Russian wrestler and the angry polar bear. Instantaneously, Zangief and the bears looked over at the direction the shriek came from.
"That sound like Cammy. Vonder what scare her?" Zangief looked back at Joseph with a stern face. "Ve continue argument later, okay?"
Joseph nodded and went back to gnawing on a 100-kilogram barbell as the Red Cyclone ran off to the shelter's lobby, which was where the yelling came from.
As soon as Zangief opened the door, he wished he wasn't a volunteer. The lobby was torn apart, with papers, posters, chairs, busted computer equipment, animal cages, and fur all over the place.
Scratches were all over the walls, and for some reason there was a dented file cabinet sticking out from the ceiling. By the looks of the mess, Cammy was probably gonna have him clean it all up (due to his volunteer status), much to the fighter's displeasure.
Speaking of the British woman, Zangief looked around for signs of his boss. "Comrade Cammy? Are you here? Vat happened to ze lobby?"
A door to one of the offices opened, revealing a tear-shedding Killer Bee. She fell to her knees and sobbed as she struggled to find the words she wanted to say. "…t-th-they took them! I-I d-don't know w-who, but they took…!" Sob.
Zangief had a look of utter confusion on his face. "Took vat? Vat taken?"
More sobbing from the woman. "I-I don't know why! They didn't do anything wrong! I found them on the street and… and they were cold and-and starving! They were miserable and I gave them a decent life here! Who w-would do such a thing!?"
Zangief knelt down and put a reassuring hand on Cammy's shoulder. "I no know. But tell me… vat happen? Vat be missing?"
Cammy cried a bit more and then regained enough composure to grab her cell phone and dial a number. As she waited for the other end to pick up, she turned to the wrestler, her eyes blood red from all the tears she shed.
"The cats. All the cats are missing…"
Zangief facepalmed.
Two days later, at Bison's house…
"BISON! You're gonna want to look at this!"
"What is it, Akuma?"
"I… I don't know how to explain this! Just get out of the auction house and head over to the bank! Check the vault, man!"
"Just tell me, dammit! I'm in the middle of an auction war with some guy in Ironforge and I'm NOT willing to give up these shoulders! I get an additional 15 Intellect and 47 Stamina!"
"Screw the shoulders! This is important! Look at the guild vault!"
"CHEESE!"
"Shut up, Gen! FINE! I'll look at the vault. Just lemme head to the bank first.
"Ganking noobs in Hillsbrad is fun! Try it, Bison!"
"Gen, I swear to God, you're gonna stay at Level 67 and never going to get to raid with us if you spend your 'leveling time' killing players waaay under your level – OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK WHERE'S OUR LOOT!?"
No, that wasn't a typo.
Ten minutes later, over at Spring Beauty…
Chun-Li was getting ready to open up the shop. Most everything was done already, so she figured it'd be a great morning with no hitches at all.
Well, that thought was trumped. Two seconds later a "WAH!" sounded out, followed by a thud and the sounds of falling boxes.
Chun-Li sighed and looked over at the open doors to her store's backroom. Sure enough, Sakura was on the ground buried underneath yet another pile of boxes. Why haven't I fired her, yet? She kept wondering why she hadn't, and as soon as her thoughts gave way to finding the best way to let her go…
A knock was heard on the front door. It was Guile, wearing a darkened pair of aviator shades. "Hey, Chun-Li!"
"Guile? What're you doing here?" She walked over to the door. "If you're shopping, then you'll have to wait until 10:00 like everyone else who shops here."
"Shopping? No, this is Militia business! Open up!"
"Oh!" She hurriedly unlocked the door and let the family man in. "What Militia business?"
Guile walked up to the registers, found a TV remote, and began fiddling with it as he pointed it to the TV mounted on the wall. "Just watch the news. They should be airing something about it by now."
"Wait… they actually air decent stuff on the Psycho-Soul News Network? Half the time I tune it, it's either dead air or that crap-tastic ¡Vega! show."
"Well," the American began as he fiddled with the remote some more, "Bison said he actually considers this 'news.' …no idea what he meant by that." And with that, the TV came to life, revealing…
…the Psycho-Soul News Network set. With nobody in the news anchors' seats.
Chun-Li slumped her shoulders and was two fingers away from facepalming. "Uh… still dead air, Guile. If you're just trying to get in Spring Beauty early, I'm – "
"…it is news, dammit! And I'm going to report it on the news program if I feel like it, Rose!"
"You're just bitching about your stupid guild, Bison!"
A cloaked figure walked on camera and took a seat. It was Bison. "Hey! Something very important happened and I want to get to the bottom of it! I already have the militia watching and you're going to make sure this airs!"
A woman walked into the shot and took the seat next to Bison. It was a pretty angry Rose. "Well, of course this is going to air! EVERYTHING YOU DO ON CAMERA, YOU ALLOW! In the past week we've been on twenty-four/seven and about 80 percent of that was DEAD… AIR!!!"
Guile sweat-dropped as he looked to an unentertained Chun-Li. "W-Well… they're almost ready."
The moment Guile finished that statement, the Psycho-Soul News Network title card flashed on-screen as a news jingle began blaring. The American and Chinese militia personnel looked at the screen as the news program began.
"Good morning, Unincorporated! I'm M. Bison, and here's wh-"
"Wait, what? 'Unincorporated?' We're still calling the town that?"
"Shut up, Rose."
"Hey! I'm sure the FCC has a regulation about telling someone on live air to shut up. You remember the guy they sent over?"
A pause. Bison briefly looked at Rose with an innocent look on his face.
"What guy?"
"Ugh."
The dictator-to-be looked back at the camera as his face began to look serious.
"Anyway, we have a news announcement, everyone. There have been reports of numerous thefts going around, and multiple people in the city have been affected. There will be a town meeting at six o'clock at the Akumart parking lot tonight, so I expect the whole town to be there. No exceptions."
The camera turned to an obviously-bored Rose. "We now return you to your – "
"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!" A phone on the table the two anchors shared rang. Bison lit up with excitement as he hit a button on it.
"Wow… our first caller on the air! Uh…" He looked at the camera, then back at the phone. "…hi, caller! You're on the Psycho-Soul News Network! How can we help you?"
"…Bison, it's Akuma."
"…oh. Hey, what's up?"
"Uh, the hell you think you're doing calling a town meeting in front of my store? You can't do that!"
"I just did, bub. Get over it."
"My store! My parking lot!"
"Parking lots are public property, moron!" And with that, Bison lit the phone on fire. Soon after the TV was switched off.
Guile looked at Chun-Li with a grim expression on his face as he set the remote down. "Well, that's what I needed you to watch."
Chun-Li's response was to bury her face in her right palm. "…you wanted me to watch two grown people bicker about the quality of their news reports on live television?"
"No; I wanted you to see what we're going to be investigating – these 'thefts' that have been going through town. Bison already put in a call with Mayor Blanka and he approved of hiring the militia to investigate. And that's you and me."
"Oh. So we actually have something serious, for once."
"Yeah; nothing like that case three days ago with Ryu's rent-a-car."
Chun-Li mused a smile, remembering what happened. The Japanese fighter had come up to the militia and asked them to investigate the status of his rent-a-car. So that night, the militia snuck into Ken's auto shop and found out… his car was normal, minus a torn transmission belt. After being told about his rent-a-car, Ryu went into a fit of fury, thinking Ken was pulling some contrived mechanic's maneuver on him.
"…yeah, but at least we got to sneak around and watch two idiots go at it."
"Heh. True. Well, Chun-Li, it's going to be just you and me on this case. I need you to bring your 'A game' to this one."
"Huh? What about Cammy?"
"She's off the case. In fact…" Guile dramatically took off his aviators. "…she's one of the victims."
"Oh, dear. She okay?"
"Well… I'm not so sure. The cats in the shelter are what's missing."
"…oh."
"Yeah." Guile redonned his sunglasses and walked to the door. "I'll see you at Akumart at six?"
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