Restarting...

When I said I was done, I meant it. But did I confer as to what I was done with? Of course not; I'm too much of a cryptic jerk to openly state the obvious answer.

In truth, I did call it. I was done... with the craptastic lethargy that I've allowed myself to get swamped by. It did me no good (hell, it's probably driven every reader off), and I've gotten nowhere with my creativity.

I told myself, "That needs to change, Josh." I agreed... and here we are...





CURRENT MUSIC:
Ben Prunty - "Last Stand"
FTL Original Soundtrack

This sounds like something very fitting for today's mindset.

For those of you who haven't played FTL before, imagine Firefly as a roguelike strategy game. You (represented by a varied crew) command a star-faring military vessel of the now-defeated Federation, fleeing the massive Rebel fleet. Your ship happens to carry critically-important information that could help the remaining Federation forces rally and break the Rebel onslaught. As such, your objective is simple: outpace the pursuing enemy fleet by navigating your way to Federation-held territory before the Rebels get you.

"Last Stand" plays when you reach the final sector of Federation-held space. It's here where the remaining allied forces decide to hold out against the pursuing Rebels, and where you're tasked with putting your sensitive information (i.e.: exploiting the weaknesses of the Rebels' flagship) to use. Much like how your mission changes, this particular track presents itself differently in-game than the other musical pieces. While most of the music that plays has two versions of the same piece (one heard during combat and one heard when things are much calmer), "Last Stand" is just one track that plays throughout your time in the final sector.

Essentially, it's like an aural "do or die" statement. You dig in, prepare for the worst, and pray/hope that you can pull off this last gamble. "Last Stand" captures that feeling quite well, even when used in a setting that doesn't take place in space - and that's why I'm playing it right now. While this may not be a final gamble against myself (come on, we all know me at this point), it's certainly one that may decide part of my mental state for the rest of the year (and maybe longer). Cryptic, yes - but when I've been this out of sorts, any push uphill seems daunting.





Lords of Kobol... it's been ages since I've typed anything of consequence.

I honestly don't know where I've been, but I can tell you that it hasn't been a fun experience. Between how life's been and how it's going now, I can say that it hasn't been all too terribly good. At the same time, though, it's not all too terribly bad.

As I typed this all out, I ended up getting déjà vu. After a period of lethargy, I posted in a similar fashion and declared some kind of cryptic end to a lethargic me. This marks the... what is now: fourth or fifth time I've gone through this? I lost count over how many times I've forced myself to come out of an apathetic do-nothing state, attempt to work my way out, and then miserably fail right afterwards. (Hell, I think I used a metaphor in there as well.)

So, what does this mean? Truth be told, I'm not even sure anymore. It's become a repetitive cycle that I can't seem to break out of. Despite my claims that I'm "back" or my intentions to "strike true this time," I'm not sure if I can pull it off. Mind you, I'm not giving up or anything. I just know that somewhere along the line I'm going to regress - even if I don't want to. I'm just working my damnedest to break the cycle and re-start in some kind of fashion.

Only time will tell whether or not this happens. I've no skill in precognition, nor do I know if this once-again newfound will will finally drive me to where I want to go. All I know is this: I'm tired of myself and what I am. I wonder if that'll be enough to get me going once again...